Sharing

"Why didn't Max want to share his shovel?" Isaac keeps asking.

On Wednesday our playgroup met at the Little Farm at Tilden Park, and we stopped by the playground on our way out. Sam and Max's mother was smart enough to bring their sand toys, including a realistic shovel with a two-foot high handle. (As an aside, I never bring toys to the park. For one, I like to travel light, but also I think that being at the park should be entertainment enough. But a sandbox is more fun with sand toys. In fact, without toys, a sandbox is just a desert wasteland.)

At any rate, Isaac was standing around the sandbox aimlessly, so I suggested that he use Max's shovel. (Max was not playing with it, by the way.) But as soon as Isaac's hand moved toward the shovel, Max swooped in and grabbed the shovel himself. As usual, Isaac didn't grab it back. He did, however, look very confused. Max's mother eventually convinced Max to let Isaac use the shovel "for just one minute," but of course as soon as Max relinquished the shovel he no longer cared how long Isaac used it. He never cared about the shovel, anyway. He just didn't want Isaac to have it. Totally normal two-year-old stuff.

Except Isaac is still confused by it, which is why he keeps asking why Max didn't want to share. I asked him, "Do you ever want to keep all your toys for yourself? Does it ever bother you when your friends play with your toys?"

"No," Isaac said, and I think he really meant it.

So he's trying to process the situation through play. He hugs a toy to his chest and announces, "The little boy doesn't want to share his toy." Or sometimes he says, "Mama really wants to play with my toy." Both of those are invitations for me to ask if I can borrow his toy for a little while, so I obligingly ask. Naturally he always says, "No! I'm still playing with it." But we've also done some role-playing, at his instigation, where we successfully swapped toys with each other.

I don't know if he's finally developing a sense of possessiveness, or if he's just trying to understand Max's point of view. But he has started to answer his own question with one of my answers. It's funny to hear him say to himself, "It's hard for two-year-olds to share."

- - - - -

Shane, another playgroup friend, threw a tantrum when it was time for him to leave the playground. Isaac has been asking about this as well, saying, "Don't know why Shane was crying." (He has also expanded this question to "Don't know why people cry.")

I said, "Shane didn't want to leave the park. Sometimes you don't want to go home either, right?"

Isaac looked a little doubtful, like he thought there must be more to it. "Yeah," he said.

Gosh, I sure hope he doesn't start play-acting tantrums in the process of trying to understand them. Or, worse, figure out that he can also throw a tantrum when he doesn't want to stop playing!