I don't remember what I was like at Isaac's age, but later on in childhood I went through a phase when I was uncomfortable talking to people, especially adults, and most especially strangers. I certainly never initiated conversations. I guess you could have called me shy.
In the past, Isaac has sometimes been hesitant around new people. Even if he didn't mind the strange faces, he seldom reached out socially, preferring to ignore them and mind his own business. Perhaps this is changing, however, because last week I realized that Isaac is not shy. He's actually going through a gregarious phase.
Last Thursday I decided to take Isaac shopping. He has outgrown most of his pants (in length, not in width), so one of our stops was the Children's Place, where they have adjustable-waistband jeans. As we walked into the store, a salesclerk asked if we needed any help.
Isaac said to him, "We're going to buy jeans for Isaac!"
The salesclerk said, "Oh, who is Isaac? Is that your brother?"
Isaac said (referring to his unborn sister), "No, our baby is a girl."
Yeah, they had a near-total failure to understand one another, but they did have a conversation of sorts. (And we bought two pairs of jeans in size three.)
- - - - -
Isaac and I ended up going out for lunch at a Mexican restaurant after that, and as he waved the kids' menu at the waitress, Isaac announced to her, "Isaac has a little menu!" (He also ate quite a lot of spicy salsa, which surprised me.) That evening, our friend Maurice from the Netherlands was visiting, so our whole family went out to dinner at an Italian restaurant. Isaac told that waitress, "Isaac wants pizza!" (He also ate nearly an entire piece of tiramisu, which did not surprise me at all.) Getting back to the point, I don't think he had ever directly addressed a waiter before.
- - - - -
Maurice came back to our house for a while after dinner, and Isaac immediately asked him, "Would you like to see the carpet cleaner, Maurice?" (This is one of Isaac's current enthusiasms.) Later on Isaac asked if Maurice could help him put on his pajamas and put him to bed. Prior to dinner, the two had never met.
I've seen Isaac around a lot of other adults, and I've never seen him so friendly. It will be interesting to see if his outgoing attitude lasts.
Friday, November 21, 2014
Gender bias
Craig just got back from a week-long conference (yes, another one) in England. Isaac is getting used to his father being gone -- in fact, at one point he asked if he was ever coming back. That sounds more dramatic than it was. Isaac didn't seem sad or traumatized, just curious.
When I reminded Isaac that his dad was in Manchester, Isaac paused to think about it. Then he asked, "Can women also go there?"
This isn't the only time Isaac has been confused by gendered language.* We were reading a book that showed a dog working in a manhole, and Isaac asked if women could work in one. And when I referred to a passing female bicyclist as a "guy," Isaac corrected me by saying, "A bicyclist could also be a woman."
It makes me realize how literal little kids are, and thus how vulnerable they are to forming misinterpretations because of our sloppy generalizations. Those misinterpretations can grow into casual bias, and then into genuine prejudice. We may know that "chairman" can refer to women and men, but Isaac doesn't. I guess they were right back in Women's Studies 1A when they said that language shapes reality.
This reinforces my opinion that watching TV isn't yet right for our family. At some point it will become useful -- it does give a lot of opportunities for discussion, and plus it can be fun -- but right now we don't need to deal with mitigating all of television's casual bias. And it's not just girls and women who are portrayed in a limiting and limited way -- boys and men also come across poorly.
- - - - -
*Although according to Wikipedia, the name "Manchester" doesn't have anything to do with "man." Quite the opposite -- the name is thought to derive from its Ancient Roman name, "Mamucium," which might mean "breast-like hill." The Latin word "mamma" does mean breast, at least.
When I reminded Isaac that his dad was in Manchester, Isaac paused to think about it. Then he asked, "Can women also go there?"
This isn't the only time Isaac has been confused by gendered language.* We were reading a book that showed a dog working in a manhole, and Isaac asked if women could work in one. And when I referred to a passing female bicyclist as a "guy," Isaac corrected me by saying, "A bicyclist could also be a woman."
It makes me realize how literal little kids are, and thus how vulnerable they are to forming misinterpretations because of our sloppy generalizations. Those misinterpretations can grow into casual bias, and then into genuine prejudice. We may know that "chairman" can refer to women and men, but Isaac doesn't. I guess they were right back in Women's Studies 1A when they said that language shapes reality.
This reinforces my opinion that watching TV isn't yet right for our family. At some point it will become useful -- it does give a lot of opportunities for discussion, and plus it can be fun -- but right now we don't need to deal with mitigating all of television's casual bias. And it's not just girls and women who are portrayed in a limiting and limited way -- boys and men also come across poorly.
- - - - -
*Although according to Wikipedia, the name "Manchester" doesn't have anything to do with "man." Quite the opposite -- the name is thought to derive from its Ancient Roman name, "Mamucium," which might mean "breast-like hill." The Latin word "mamma" does mean breast, at least.
Chins and hair
Well, baby girl, is that Craig's family's chin I see you have there?
Okay, maybe we can't fairly judge by this ultrasound photo, as she is pretty obviously thrusting her jaw forward.
Unlike her brother in the lower photo, who showed clear signs of the chin at less than 12 hours of age.
- - - - -
Is it reasonable to think that the second child might end up looking more like me? Now that he's nearly three, Isaac is actually beginning to look a bit more like my side of the family, or at least a little less like an fair-skinned copy of Craig.
No matter who she resembles, I hope the new baby is blonde like her brother, because it would be so unfair otherwise -- why should a boy be the only one to get the naturally platinum hair? (Can you tell that I was always jealous of my sister's light hair?) A dark rich brunette (like my mother) would be fine, too. The worst is the middling light ash brown I have. Boring!
- - - - -
Ultrasound photo taken at 12 weeks gestation (three weeks ago) when we were having genetic testing done via CVS.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Pronunciation II
I knew Isaac's pronunciation, especially of the letters S and F, had improved enormously over the last month, but I wanted to put it to the test. So I asked him today, "Isaac, can you say Sophie?" (He used to pronounce it as Hoe-hee.)
Isaac thought about it. He silently shaped his lips into an S sound. "No," he said.
"Oh, come on," I said. "I've heard you say it."
"Sophie," he said perfectly. Then, when prompted, he went on to say shower, hair, smash, and smell. He considered his successes for a moment, and then said, teasingly, "Pe-ell," which is how he used to say smell.
I already miss those strange, personalized pronunciation variants!
- - - - -
After his initial resistance earlier in the summer, he ended up working very hard to overcome his trouble with S and F. I think it helped that we spent so much time at my parents' house in July -- because they couldn't understand him as readily as I could, it motivated him to learn to speak correctly. For several weeks it wasn't unusual to see him pause before saying a word that began with S or F, whispering the first letter quietly under his breath to hear if he had it right. Sometimes he would try both letters before figuring out which one he wanted.
- - - - -
As far as his pronunciation troubles go, that leaves only W and R. The R is still a way off, but he has cracked the W sound already. There are words in which he substitutes a Y out of habit (our dog's name is Walt, which Isaac still pronounces as Yalt), but he's on the right track. I know this is true because he has begun using W in place of his missing R, just like Elmer Fudd -- so he says twuck instead of tluck. As this is a more traditional substitution, I am hoping people will find it easier to understand, especially as he is due to start preschool in six weeks.
Even though Isaac's pronunciation has improved so dramatically, it's not like other people can understand everything he says. (Except for me, of course! I understand nearly everything, and thus I still have to translate the occasional phrase, even for Craig.) Isaac still speaks too quickly sometimes, especially when excited, and then he compresses his words nearly beyond comprehension.
Also, he says things people don't expect to hear, so they don't understand it. (Especially if a crucial word contains an R.) A random doctor Isaac encountered in the hallway of the urgent care office couldn't believe that Isaac, brandishing a highlighter that the nurse had loaned him, was asking her, "Is this marker permanent?" Also, today our dog walker couldn't grasp that Isaac was telling her that he was "sawing out the old grout" because he was a "grout mechanic."
Wouldn't you understand that immediately?
Isaac thought about it. He silently shaped his lips into an S sound. "No," he said.
"Oh, come on," I said. "I've heard you say it."
"Sophie," he said perfectly. Then, when prompted, he went on to say shower, hair, smash, and smell. He considered his successes for a moment, and then said, teasingly, "Pe-ell," which is how he used to say smell.
I already miss those strange, personalized pronunciation variants!
- - - - -
After his initial resistance earlier in the summer, he ended up working very hard to overcome his trouble with S and F. I think it helped that we spent so much time at my parents' house in July -- because they couldn't understand him as readily as I could, it motivated him to learn to speak correctly. For several weeks it wasn't unusual to see him pause before saying a word that began with S or F, whispering the first letter quietly under his breath to hear if he had it right. Sometimes he would try both letters before figuring out which one he wanted.
- - - - -
As far as his pronunciation troubles go, that leaves only W and R. The R is still a way off, but he has cracked the W sound already. There are words in which he substitutes a Y out of habit (our dog's name is Walt, which Isaac still pronounces as Yalt), but he's on the right track. I know this is true because he has begun using W in place of his missing R, just like Elmer Fudd -- so he says twuck instead of tluck. As this is a more traditional substitution, I am hoping people will find it easier to understand, especially as he is due to start preschool in six weeks.
Even though Isaac's pronunciation has improved so dramatically, it's not like other people can understand everything he says. (Except for me, of course! I understand nearly everything, and thus I still have to translate the occasional phrase, even for Craig.) Isaac still speaks too quickly sometimes, especially when excited, and then he compresses his words nearly beyond comprehension.
Also, he says things people don't expect to hear, so they don't understand it. (Especially if a crucial word contains an R.) A random doctor Isaac encountered in the hallway of the urgent care office couldn't believe that Isaac, brandishing a highlighter that the nurse had loaned him, was asking her, "Is this marker permanent?" Also, today our dog walker couldn't grasp that Isaac was telling her that he was "sawing out the old grout" because he was a "grout mechanic."
Wouldn't you understand that immediately?
New names
Isaac is interested in names. Sometimes he asks me, "What will we call the baby?" (Then again, sometimes he asks me, "What color will the baby be?")
One night a few weeks ago while he was supposed to be falling asleep, he announced, "Isaac's new name is Shoppinglast." Then for ten or 15 minutes he talked about his new name, improvising variations, sometimes using it as his first name, and sometimes as his last name.
He has had some suggestions for names for the baby, too. The ones that I can remember are:
We won't be letting him name the baby, I guess.
- - - - -
Edited to add:
Tonight Isaac said, "Avalina doesn't go well with Shoppinglast."
One night a few weeks ago while he was supposed to be falling asleep, he announced, "Isaac's new name is Shoppinglast." Then for ten or 15 minutes he talked about his new name, improvising variations, sometimes using it as his first name, and sometimes as his last name.
He has had some suggestions for names for the baby, too. The ones that I can remember are:
- Avalina Shoppinglast
- Beesh-kaboshk
- Clit
We won't be letting him name the baby, I guess.
- - - - -
Edited to add:
Tonight Isaac said, "Avalina doesn't go well with Shoppinglast."
Service provider changes
One era ends, another begins. We've made some service provider changes this week.
Tuesday was the last day that Mary Ann, our long-time dog-walker, took Walt for a regularly scheduled walk. When Craig and I both worked full-time, Mary Ann came every weekday afternoon to take the dog out and give him a half-hour stroll. When Isaac was born I stopped working, so I am home to open the door to the backyard whenever Walt wants to go outside, but we decided to keep Mary Ann a few days a week anyway. We figured that Walt might feel neglected because of the new baby, but with Mary Ann still taking him for regular walks at least he would be getting individualized attention from someone he knows and loves.
Walt came to live with us when he was nine weeks old, I stayed home with him for the next week while he adjusted, and Mary Ann began walking him the following week when I returned to work. Now Walt is four and a half years old. They've known each other for a long time. It was a sad goodbye for the humans (Walt, of course, didn't have a clue), but in the end we couldn't justify continuing to spend $40 a week to make a perfectly happy dog even happier.
We did have Mary Ann keep her key to our back door, though. Maybe in January when the new baby is born, we'll have her come back to give Walt a little attention.
- - - - -
And what other service provider changes did we make? This week I went for my last appointment with my old obstetrician, and my first appointment with my new homebirth midwife.
I could compare and contrast the two appointments, but perhaps that's a topic for another post.
Tuesday was the last day that Mary Ann, our long-time dog-walker, took Walt for a regularly scheduled walk. When Craig and I both worked full-time, Mary Ann came every weekday afternoon to take the dog out and give him a half-hour stroll. When Isaac was born I stopped working, so I am home to open the door to the backyard whenever Walt wants to go outside, but we decided to keep Mary Ann a few days a week anyway. We figured that Walt might feel neglected because of the new baby, but with Mary Ann still taking him for regular walks at least he would be getting individualized attention from someone he knows and loves.
Walt came to live with us when he was nine weeks old, I stayed home with him for the next week while he adjusted, and Mary Ann began walking him the following week when I returned to work. Now Walt is four and a half years old. They've known each other for a long time. It was a sad goodbye for the humans (Walt, of course, didn't have a clue), but in the end we couldn't justify continuing to spend $40 a week to make a perfectly happy dog even happier.
We did have Mary Ann keep her key to our back door, though. Maybe in January when the new baby is born, we'll have her come back to give Walt a little attention.
- - - - -
And what other service provider changes did we make? This week I went for my last appointment with my old obstetrician, and my first appointment with my new homebirth midwife.
I could compare and contrast the two appointments, but perhaps that's a topic for another post.
Questions for the pregnant lady
The same few questions keep popping up in my real life, so I thought I'd answer them here as well. Let's start with the most common question:
How are you feeling?
Good, thanks for asking, although not as good as when I was pregnant with Isaac. At first I just thought it was because I'm three years older (is it harder to be pregnant at 38 than at 35?), but it might also be because I've got a little kid to take care of now.
The garden-variety aches, pains, and twinges started sooner this time, which apparently happens because a previous pregnancy not only stretches the body out physically, but makes it more responsive to the various relaxing hormones. (That's why you get a shorter labor the second time! Hopefully.)
My tiredness in the early stages was pretty similar between the two pregnancies, with the worst exhaustion being from weeks six through eight. (I don't feel especially tired now, at 16 weeks.) What bothered me the most was the queasiness -- I was completely unprepared, because with Isaac I didn't have any nausea or food aversions. This time I spent over a month, especially from week six to week nine, having to be careful about what I ate.
Eventually I figured out that my main nausea came from trying to eat grilled food! Once I eliminated that from my diet, things improved radically. Actually, I still don't want to eat anything that has been grilled, which is a pity considering it's summertime, and I'm still avoiding cruciferous vegetables.
I've gained about 12 pounds, which is less than I had gained with Isaac at this point -- but then I was very thin prior to getting pregnant with Isaac. (I gained nearly 50 pounds with Isaac, and I wouldn't mind keeping my weight gain smaller this time.) Currently I am still managing to wear my size six pants (with the waist unfastened, of course) but my bra size has gone up two cup sizes. My maternity clothes are still comically huge, but I think I'm going to have to make the transition in a few weeks.
Our question for next time: Are you excited about having a girl?
How are you feeling?
Good, thanks for asking, although not as good as when I was pregnant with Isaac. At first I just thought it was because I'm three years older (is it harder to be pregnant at 38 than at 35?), but it might also be because I've got a little kid to take care of now.
The garden-variety aches, pains, and twinges started sooner this time, which apparently happens because a previous pregnancy not only stretches the body out physically, but makes it more responsive to the various relaxing hormones. (That's why you get a shorter labor the second time! Hopefully.)
My tiredness in the early stages was pretty similar between the two pregnancies, with the worst exhaustion being from weeks six through eight. (I don't feel especially tired now, at 16 weeks.) What bothered me the most was the queasiness -- I was completely unprepared, because with Isaac I didn't have any nausea or food aversions. This time I spent over a month, especially from week six to week nine, having to be careful about what I ate.
Eventually I figured out that my main nausea came from trying to eat grilled food! Once I eliminated that from my diet, things improved radically. Actually, I still don't want to eat anything that has been grilled, which is a pity considering it's summertime, and I'm still avoiding cruciferous vegetables.
I've gained about 12 pounds, which is less than I had gained with Isaac at this point -- but then I was very thin prior to getting pregnant with Isaac. (I gained nearly 50 pounds with Isaac, and I wouldn't mind keeping my weight gain smaller this time.) Currently I am still managing to wear my size six pants (with the waist unfastened, of course) but my bra size has gone up two cup sizes. My maternity clothes are still comically huge, but I think I'm going to have to make the transition in a few weeks.
Our question for next time: Are you excited about having a girl?
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