Holiday traditions

Last night as we hung decorations I said to Craig, "Having a Christmas tree makes me feel like a real grown-up."

He gave me a funny look, and I know why. I'm 38 years old*, after all, and I have a graduate degree, a mortgage, a husband, and a child. Oh, don't worry, I definitely feel like an adult, and I'm happy about it, too -- no mid-life crisis here, no resentment of my responsibilities, no romanticizing of my footloose 20s.

But I also feel like my parents' child, in the best possible way, and holidays intensify that feeling. Until 2005, the year Isaac was born, I never even had a Christmas tree of my own -- I always show up at my parents' house several days before Christmas, so what was the point? And except for with my parents, I've never cooked a Thanksgiving dish, opened a Christmas stocking, dyed an Easter egg, or gone Halloween trick or treating. My parents themselves still go to my grandmother's house to celebrate most holidays, so this generational dependence is part of our family tradition. I truly enjoy it, but now I'm aware that Isaac is tagging along on the traditions of my childhood.

So it came as a pleasant surprise last night, the feeling of being an autonomous adult while decorating my third-ever Christmas tree with Isaac and Craig. We have our own little traditions by now -- for the last three years we've all gone together to the same Christmas tree lot, and we've hung the same ornaments and listened to the same records. And no matter what we do, we're shaping Isaac's traditions now, and our own as a family. (Obviously this is true every single day of the year, not just on holidays!)

I had an especially dour boyfriend in college who thought my family's enthusiastic celebration of holidays in my childhood had ruined future holidays for me. He said, "I feel sorry for your future husband. He'll never be able to live up to your high holiday expectations." But he was just being pessimistic (as usual). My childhood experiences were an important foundation -- in addition to being fun, they gave me security and attachment -- but now I truly don't need anyone else to make the holidays special for me.

So I guess that means I'm ready to try to pass that specialness on to Isaac.

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*It's my birthday today!

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Picture taken at Bob's Christmas Trees in December 2005 when Isaac was three months old.