Love development

I started this post a year ago in September 2009 and just now discovered it among my draft posts:

I haven't seen it mentioned in any of the baby-care books, but along with the general stages of development -- smiling, sitting, crawling, talking, and so forth -- there seem to be stages of love development. I wasn't thinking of it so much from the baby's point of view, although a baby certainly does develop the ability to love. I was considering the development of the parent's love for the baby.

Mostly love deepens steadily and imperceptibly, gaining strength with time and experience. But sometimes love grows in giant leaps, the increase noticeable from one day to the next. I know that I have experienced this type of love development with both my children. What a surprise, and what a treat, to feel the intensity suddenly increase, like someone had turned up the volume!

Are these sudden gains in affection tied to a particular development in the baby, the appearance of a trait which I find appealing and especially lovable? That sounds so shallow.

And that's where I stopped writing last year, unhappy with the direction the post was taking but unable to figure it out. Laurel was eight months old at the time, and I wish I had taken time to write about what I found so especially appealing about her at that age! (I remember writing that Isaac was especially perfect when he was two and a half, although his perfection began when he was 14 months old.)

Now, upon reflection, I do not think it is the appearance of an "especially lovable" trait in the child that results in a sudden leap in parental affection. Such a tangible, palpable increase in love can only be caused by mutual strengthening of the bond between the people. So when I have felt these sudden surges in love for my children, it is because they reached a stage where they were able to make an even greater connection with me (or vice versa, I suppose). It's like electricity: improve the connection, strengthen the circuit, and more love can flow through.

I will note that Laurel is at another perfect stage right now, at 20 months. Her increasing ability to speak is endlessly entertaining to all of us, including her. She is snuggly and affectionate, but pleasantly independent. And although she is experimenting with the power of the word "no," she isn't actually defiant about it.