More career plans

On a recent drive to visit my parents, Isaac revised his previous career goals: now he wants to be, as he put it, a "redwood scientist." We were driving along a one-lane road down a densely forested mountain, and there were redwoods all around.

A few minutes later he elaborated on the evolution of his plans, saying, "I was going to be a snowplow driver in the winter and a backhoe driver in the summer, but now I'm going to be a redwood studier."

We spent some time talking with Isaac about botany, because it's a relief to have something to discuss on a long car trip besides construction equipment. (Isaac likes to talk about equipment so much that sometimes he'll assign it to us as a topic. "Mama, you think about road rollers," he ordered earlier during the same trip. "And Dad, you think about front loaders. Isaac will think about wheeled excavators." A few minutes later, when he demanded to know if I was thinking about rollers, I had to admit that I wasn't.)

Anyway, when it's winter and there aren't any plants readily available for study, Isaac is going to dig a hole in the snow to uncover them. When I pointed out that it doesn't snow where we live, he said he's going to be a scientist in Yosemite, studying the trees and plants there.

That would be pretty cool, actually.

- - - - -

I was pleased to hear Isaac say that he knew all about studying plants and trees because of his time gardening with me, especially because we'll be doing more of it now that spring is almost here. Over the weekend Isaac and I pruned two buddleja together, and today he told me he wanted to prune more. Since the main principle of pruning these bushes is to cut them back hard, no precision required, it's good work for a three-year-old.

This is my favorite time of year to garden, mostly because I love to prune! I like helping the plant make the most of its upcoming growth, optimizing it for strength, health, and beauty. I also enjoy gardening later on in the year when the plants are in full flower, but there's something special about this time of year when the new growth is just beginning and my guidance is needed. (Although the new growth is already coming on strong, so it's getting a little late to prune. I've been otherwise occupied for the last six weeks or so, however.)

Today as we worked together on another buddleja, Isaac asked to borrow my good clippers. I handed them over, taking his crummy loppers in exchange, and then he announced that he was my mama. I guess to him my clippers symbolize motherhood.

I'll spare you the forced metaphor equating pruning with parenting.

Ten more things about Laurel

Laurel turned five weeks old yesterday!

She is Thursday's child, which means she has "far to go." I don't know what sense is intended by the rhyme: will she need a lot of improvement, or will she accomplish a lot? (Isaac is "full of grace," having been born on a Tuesday.) As a baby, actually, she does have far to go -- she is pretty much at the absolute beginning, just off the starting line.

Laurel finally graduated to the "size one" diapers. When I bought the tiny "newborn" size diapers nearly two months ago, I only got one package, and I seriously considered skipping straight to size one. We only used one or two packages of the newborn size with Isaac (they claim to fit babies up to ten pounds but they really only work well under eight pounds), so I figured it would be the same with Laurel. That'll teach me to assume that my children will be similar!

I am still getting a thrill out of the plural: "my children." Not just "my child." I didn't know it would sound so right. Despite my excitement and satisfaction with two, however, there are no current plans for a third! I'm already 39, after all.

Laurel smiled a lot this morning, and I think a few of the smiles were actually aimed in my direction. I worked hard for those smiles, however, by cooing shamelessly in a high-pitched voice and and tickling her belly. She returned the favor by cooing back at me. (I was having so much fun that I even took a few pictures -- like maybe 25 or 50.)

Isaac continues to show no signs of jealousy of his new sibling, and he seems more confident that there is enough love to go around. At least he seldom asks anymore if we love him. He is still fairly enthusiastic about being the diapering assistant, and he really enjoys fetching burp cloths and helping shampoo Laurel's hair. He and I went to the grocery store on Tuesday afternoon to get supplies to make Valentine's Day cookies, an activity I had planned as a special private mother-son outing, and he actually suggested that Laurel come with us! (He wanted her to come because he thought she would enjoy watching him.) We left her at home with Craig.

Craig goes back to work on Monday, however, so we'll see how Isaac adjusts to entire long days of having to share one adult between two children. Also, we'll see how he feels when Laurel finally wakes up from her sleepy newborn stage and becomes more demanding. I keep expecting that to happen. It's not that she's super "easy," whatever that means, but that she's such a contrast to Isaac in that she often stays asleep when set down. I was used to having to hold a sleeping baby. Even more unusually, sometimes she'll wake up when set down, but then she goes back to sleep on her own! (Although right now she's sleeping in my lap as I type this.)

Laurel continues to make a lot of noise while she sleeps. I've been watching her as she does this, and as I previously theorized, it's because she's trying to move. Remaining on her back, she'll incrementally shift herself across the bassinet, grunting with exertion all the way. It can take her 20 minutes to get to the edge! When she finally reaches the edge of the bassinet, somehow she turns herself onto her side so she's facing its wall. Then she opens her mouth wide and tries to suck on it, which is another incredibly noisy enterprise.

In addition to trying to suck on the wall of the bassinet, she sometimes gets her thumb or finger into her mouth for a few brief moments. Not on purpose, of course, because she is much too young to even know the digits are attached to her body -- I assume her hand just floated in front of her face so she latched on to it. We bought her a pacifier, but she doesn't seem interested in it and she just pushes it out with her tongue. (Isaac did the same thing. I know, the dangers of comparison.)

We've started using Trixie Tracker for Laurel, so if you're curious about her sleep, you can visit our Izzy Info page. (You can toggle back and forth between our two kids by clicking on "switch child," right below their names.) You'll see that for the last few days she has kept college student hours: she is awake in the late evening, goes to bed around midnight or 1:00 a.m., wakes up once or twice to snack, then sleeps in until late in the morning. Isaac, however, continues to get up at 7:30 a.m., which makes a short night for me. Actually, it works fine now, because Craig can get up with Isaac while I sleep in, but it isn't going to be as nice starting on Monday!

And, as Isaac told the youth pastor when he and Craig went to church on Sunday, Laurel continues to pee on the changing table. Poor girl. All over town, and now all over the Internet, that's all anyone knows about her.

Debut

These photos of us at the park were taken two weeks ago, when Laurel was three weeks old. Although she had already gone out to many places before, this was her first time meeting any of our friends, so in a way it was her public debut.

Not that she realized it -- she slept in the sling the entire time. I only took her out for the photos!

I like the contorted facial expression and hands she's displaying in the first picture. Those funny little newborn tics and involuntary motions don't last long. By now, even though it's just a few weeks later, she's already got better control over her limbs.

Stay-at-home-alone mother

Are you wondering how yesterday went? Come on, you haven't forgotten, have you? Yesterday was Craig's first full day back at work -- and therefore my first full day home alone with two kids!

When Isaac was five weeks old, Craig went back to work, and I was petrified at the idea of being left home alone. (I even begged my sister to come stay with us for a few days, although it didn't work out.) But now I don't quite remember what I was so worried about. Was I scared by being the one who was solely responsible for keeping Isaac alive? Did I think I would get lonely with only an infant for company? Or maybe I just thought I would need help with the exhausting holding and bouncing and sling-wearing that it took to get Isaac to nap?

Despite my worries, I rapidly adjusted to my new lifestyle as a stay-at-home-alone mother. Isaac wasn't as fragile as I had feared, and he turned out to be good company (plus I joined a playgroup where I could talk to other new mothers). And his napping? Well, we eventually developed a routine where I would nurse him to sleep and hold him in my lap as he napped. (It was better than wearing him in the sling for hours, especially with my laptop nearby.)

Now, looking back at it, I find my worries laughable. Only one kid? What could have been easier? Right now my major problem with parenting is that I am tired. When I only had one kid, I could have napped whenever he did! What bliss! (Uh, except that I couldn't set him down while he was sleeping. But if I'd tried harder, I bet I could have worked something out with him sleeping next to me.)

Is my lack of napping really my main problem with parenting? Right now, yes. All I want is a nap. Several naps.

But enough looking into the past. How was yesterday? And how is today? Well, I didn't get my nap yesterday, and today's not looking so good either. Isaac has to re-learn how to nap without his father's assistance, and so far he is not doing well. But besides the lack of naps for both of us, everything went fine. I managed to balance the needs of two children with relative ease*, and without resentment from either child. Maybe it will get harder as the novelty of having a sister wears off for Isaac, or when Laurel stops sleeping so much and wants some attention, or when Isaac becomes increasingly unpleasant from his lack of napping, or when I become increasingly unpleasant from my lack of napping. Or maybe we will simply all enjoy each others' company.

- - - - -

*Now I just need to figure out how to balance the needs of three people -- the third being myself. That is possible, right? Right?

Second child responses

With my first child you probably wouldn't have heard these responses from me:

Is it only a wet diaper?
Then we can wait until morning to change it.

Is she fussing even though she just ate?
Then she probably needs to eat some more.

Is she fussing even though she just ate twice?
Then she probably needs to eat some more again.

Is she sleeping in your arms?
Then you should put her down so she'll get used to it.

Is she sleeping well with her face mashed up against the side of the co-sleeper?
Then let's not move her.

Is she not sleeping well?
Then let's scoot her over so her face is against the side of the co-sleeper!

Is she still not sleeping well?
Then let's just put her in our bed.

- - - - -

When Isaac was a newborn I found it hard to believe he might be fussing because he wanted to nurse again, but now you seldom hear me say things like "But she can't be hungry; she just ate!" If Laurel seems hungry, I figure she probably is hungry.

And Laurel really does sleep well with her face pressed up against something -- alarmingly well, sometimes. After several weeks of feeling mildly concerned about her oxygen intake, however, I've tried to arrange it so it's the mesh side of the co-sleeper, rather than the solidly padded side.

Siblings

Laurel is six weeks old today, and Isaac is almost three and a half years old. (He's got another two weeks to go.)

Three

Yesterday three different people talked to me about having three kids. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. As soon as Isaac was born, nearly everyone started asking when we were going to have another kid. In that case, though, I think people were just making conversation. In this case, all of the people who brought up the three-kid topic actually have three children (or more) themselves. I think they consider themselves ambassadors for the cause. None explicitly tried to convince me to have a third, but I felt like that was the subtext.

The first person was the mother of a boy in Isaac's group at school. She boasted of how short and easy her labor had been with her third child. I wasn't impressed when she told me she only had to push two times when delivering her third child, because my experience wasn't that different with either of my kids. But I pricked up my ears when she said her contractions had been like "half an hour of bad period cramps." Hey, that sounds pretty good, I thought to myself. But then she said, "Of course, I had the epidural." Of course.

The second person was also the mother of a boy in Isaac's group at school (did you know that out here in the affluent suburbs, having more than two kids is a status symbol?). She told me how easy her first two kids were, and how fun it was watching them relate to each other. Like Isaac and Laurel, they are three and a half years apart. Then she had her third 20 months after the second, and she is finding it a real struggle. But she assured me (and perhaps herself) that it is going to improve just as soon as the youngest turns two, and that she is looking forward to many fun years of watching the sibling relationships develop.

The third person was my midwife, who actually has something like seven kids (that's not a status symbol, that's a lifestyle). I had my final postpartum examination with her yesterday, and in the course of asking me about my plans for birth control, she said, "You guys were considering having another baby, right?"

Uh, were we?

I told her that we weren't sure, but that we didn't want to permanently close any doors.

But I have to admit that it wasn't these other people who introduced the topic. That morning I had written it down myself on the list of questions to ask during my appointment: what did the midwife expect that a third birth would be like for me? Would it be even speedier than Laurel's precipitous birth? And if so, how on earth would she make it on time?

She said that third births can be unpredictable, but that in my case she would come to my house just as soon as I showed any signs of going into labor. Then we'd just hang out together and wait for the action to start. She sounded like she was really looking forward to it!

- - - - -

If you had asked me when Isaac was six weeks old if I wanted to have another baby, I would have answered "Yes, but ..." At that point I knew intellectually that I wanted to have another child, but emotionally I was uncertain. I was exhausted, I was stressed out, and everything seemed so difficult -- doing it again didn't seem like fun. So my brain said yes, but my gut wasn't quite sure.

Laurel is six weeks old and if you asked me the same question now, I would still answer "Yes, but ..." This time, however, my uncertainty is intellectual rather than emotional! We're getting old, we're getting poor, and time and money are finite resources -- but having kids is so much fun! So now my gut says yes, but my brain says no.

- - - - -

Don't hold your breath. It will be years before we decide what to do.

New pictures

Here are photos up through Laurel's sixth week.

Do you ever think that new parents just choose the most attractive photos of their offspring to display? You're right, of course. In the spirit of truth, here's an unflattering picture in which my usually lovely daughter bears a resemblance to the talented but undeniably toad-like and lumpy Diego Rivera.

Love that tongue!

- - - - -

Memory

In the car coming home from preschool today, Isaac began to boast about his memory.

"I can remember things that happened a year ago," he said. "I can remember things that happened even when I was a newborn baby!"

"Wow," I said. "That's a long time ago."

"I have a good memoryation," he explained.

This was probably a cross between memory and memorization.

"You do have a good memory," I said with gentle emphasis.

"I have a good memory-ation," he said with greater emphasis.

"We say someone has a good memory," I explained.

"But Loader Driver has a good memory-ation," Isaac said with dignity. (Loader Driver is one of his adult alter egos, you may recall.)

"Ah, yes, memoration," I finally said.

However, it turns out I didn't pronounce his made-up word to his liking, and he made me repeat it after him several times until I got it right. He's the most pedantic three-year-old I've ever met.

I wonder where he gets it.

Quid pro quo

When it was time for me to brush Isaac's teeth tonight, I had a hard time getting him away from the shampoo bottles. He had opened all of them, and he wanted to hold them out one at a time for me to smell. I obligingly sniffed the conditioner and remarked on its apricot scent, but then I insisted he abandon the bottles and come over so I could brush his teeth.

Instead he said, "I won't do anything for you unless you do something for me."

I must have had quite an expression on my face, because before I could even begin to plan my response to this remarkable statement, he immediately came over to me and opened his mouth.

And as I began to brush his teeth, I couldn't resist saying, "I am doing something for you."

- - - - -

But I'm sure he first heard that line from me. (I probably said it as I refused to play with him until he opened the back door to let the dog in, or something like that.) I don't know if I hate it or love it when my own devices are turned against me.

Twelve more things about Laurel

I was actually writing a post about Isaac and his relationship with YouTube, but then I talked to my parents and they wanted to hear more about Laurel. So in honor of her being seven weeks old today, here are some updates. There's no insightful analysis, and I'm not saying it's fascinating reading, but it should please the grandparents.

* Last week Laurel had such a bad rash on the back of her neck that I took her to the doctor. Diagnosis? Garden-variety baby acne. How embarrassing for me. It's almost completely gone by now.

* Laurel also had her first cold last week, but it was incredibly mild. The rest of us had worse colds, in fact.

* As her eyes continue to lighten up from her newborn dark blue, the center is turning kind of yellow. I predict green eyes for this child. According to this cool Web site, Craig and I have a 70% chance of producing a green-eyed child, 30% blue-eyed, and 0% brown-eyed.

* She continues to have a dependable wakeful period at night, hanging out peacefully in the evening, then finally falling asleep for the night around midnight or 1:00 a.m. But then she usually sleeps for four or five hours straight, so it isn't all bad. It would be great, in fact, as long as I didn't have to wake up at 7:00 a.m. with Isaac.

* This morning she was getting sleepy as I carried her around the house, so I set her down in her crib. Then, as I sat and watched, she mumbled quietly to herself until she gradually fell asleep on her own. No rocking, no singing, no nursing, no screaming! I could not believe it was actually happening. I always suspected people were lying when they claimed their baby fell asleep on its own. (Long-time readers of this blog will know that Isaac never did. He would have cried hard when he was set down, worked himself into a state, and never fallen asleep.)

* She still seems like a happy baby. She seldom cries or gets upset, and when she does it's always for a good reason: she has a bubble, for instance, or she's tired, or she wants milk. Once the need is satisfied, she immediately calms down. The thing that angers her the most is the nasal aspirator, and even then she is quick to forgive.

* This morning she directed a few smiles actually at me. Her smiles aren't dependable yet, but they are still amazing to us. She's also increasing the frequency of gurgles, coos, and chortles. So cute!

* She had a well-baby check-up on Tuesday, and she weighed ten pounds, one ounce. The doctor said they like to see babies gain at least a pound in the month between appointments, and she had gained two pounds, ten ounces! (This puts her in the 50th percentile for weight, up from the 25th.) Her length was 23 inches, so she's grown one and three-quarter inches in the same time period. (This puts her in the 80th percentile for height, up from the 50th.)

* I think we've mostly solved the projectile vomiting problem. (It's really more than spit-up, as the milk comes flying out of her nose!) It has only happened four or five times in the last two weeks, anyway. I think it's caused by insufficient burping -- she has kind of a lazy latch when she nurses (which I cannot seem to solve), and she takes in a lot of air. It doesn't seem to hurt her, but it is a big drag.

* For a week straight she only pooped once or twice a day. Apparently most newborns poop every time they eat, so on the surface this reduced schedule might seem like a good thing. However, that once-a-day poop is pretty darn sizable. I'll say no more.

* Did you know that every single long-sleeve shirt available for girls age 0-3 months at T.J. Maxx is pink? We returned a few gifts that were too small, and we thought in exchange we'd get something, say, red. Or orange. Or purple. But nope. I think things will improve when we get into the 3-6 month range. We actually haven't bought any new clothes for Laurel yet. We're doing very well through the generosity of gifts, hand-me-downs, and loaners. It's pretty awesome.

* The other day Isaac was holding Laurel's hand as she nursed. It was just about the cutest thing I'd ever seen.

- - - - -

This is the kind of post that gives baby blogging a bad name. Could it get any more mundane?

Mia

There's a new girl in Isaac's circle group at preschool. I noticed her one morning when I dropped him off, but I didn't ask him about her. Usually Isaac is indifferent to the other kids at school. However, he brought the topic up himself.

First he told me that they have a new student at school, and that she is "especially nice." I asked her name, and he told me it was Mia. Then he said, "I can't even stop thinking about Mia!"

Later on in the afternoon, when he was getting ready for what we've been calling quiet playtime (it replaces his nap; more about this depressing development later), he said, "I'll think about Mia all quiet playtime long."

I asked him if he played with Mia, and he said, "No, I mostly play by myself." (Then he told me that he'd play more with other kids when he's four years old. That's probably true.)

I asked him what Mia looked like, wondering how he would respond, and he said, "She usually wears the same pink dress."

I guess I shouldn't expect a three-year-old to talk about someone's radiant beauty or soulful eyes. Although Craig tells me that the other day Isaac said, "You can love someone because of the way they look." Is this related?

- - - - -

But this was several days ago, and he hasn't mentioned her since. Maybe he's already moved on.

Housekeeping

I did a little bit of blog housekeeping today and integrated a few photos from the album of Laurel's birth and all of the photos from Laurel's first month into our family album for September 2008 - February 2009. (It's also on the sidebar to your left.)

This new photo is not yet in any of the albums. The kids are hanging out in their pajamas watching, appropriately enough, a monster truck video on YouTube.

Why homebirth, again

You probably remember that Laurel was born at home. I gave my reasons for choosing homebirth in a previous post, but I've had several people ask me how it worked out. I guess that although I wrote a little bit about the birth itself, I didn't specifically address the homebirth aspect.

So let me give you the brief answer: having a homebirth was terrific!

The birth itself, as I've said, was humbling. I had known it would be hard work, and I had prepared for it, but it ended up being much harder than I had expected. The challenge of it shocked me. It was like I had diligently prepared to spend a week white-water rafting but ended up going over Niagara Falls instead -- it was a much shorter, faster, and more intense trip!

My main issue wasn't the pain, exactly, but the feeling that I didn't know what to do about the pain. I felt like the skills for handling it were just out of my reach, and I was confused and uncertain trying to figure out the correct strategy. I felt like I was in pain because I was doing things wrong. (And I hate to be wrong.)

Anyway, I had expected to feel one of two things (or maybe a combination of both) regarding homebirth once it began: (1) deep satisfaction at being at home in my own safe nest, or (2) nagging anxiety at being away from the hospital. But the fact that I was giving birth in my own bedroom never crossed my mind. Being at home felt so natural (as in normal or everyday) that I didn't even think about it. Sure, we had been planning a homebirth for the previous 25 weeks, but I had never expected that it would feel so completely like a non-issue.

Maybe my terrible uncertainty about how to proceed through labor would have been worse in the hospital, or maybe it was overwhelming enough that I wouldn't have noticed my environment even if I had been giving birth on the moon.

Don't get me wrong -- during this birth I was grateful to be at home, as I was during my labor with Isaac, and if anyone had suggested that we go to the hospital, I would have protested, as I did with Isaac. I was absolutely glad to be giving birth at home and I would absolutely choose to do it again. At the time it just didn't seem remarkable in any way.

Besides my successfully avoiding unnecessary medical interventions, there were additional benefits to giving birth at home: it was familiar, comfortable, convenient, family-friendly, all that nice cozy stuff. I think this atmosphere, coupled with the gentleness of Laurel's delivery, contributed to the ease of my physical and emotional recovery, not to mention my immediate adjustment to having another child and bonding with her.

And I didn't have to give birth on my front steps attended by paramedics, which almost certainly would have happened if we'd planned a hospital birth. My labor moved into high gear so swiftly that we would never have made it to the hospital on time. Heck, we wouldn't even have made it to the car.

Baby bliss

Laurel has been smiling at us since she was five weeks old, but it wasn't dependable. Whole days would go by when her smiles were only directed at shadows and ceilings, not people. She thought people were interesting, but we weren't that much more interesting than the beams on the ceiling. Over the last five days, however, sometime between seven and eight weeks of age, she has really warmed up to us.

She has clearly became more emotionally connected. She will gaze into my eyes for many minutes at a time, a small smile playing around the corners of her mouth. When I make exaggerated faces at her, her smile increases. When I slowly stick out my tongue, she grins, and if I keep doing it, she copies me. When I make funny noises, she gives a kind of chortle, and if I pause while doing it, she'll make noises right back. We can have an entire "conversation," a give-and-take of baby babbling, and it is just about the most blissful experience I can imagine.

Mama: Hi! Hi!
Laurel: Eye! Eye!
Mama: Hi! Hi!
Laurel: Eye! Eye!
Mama: He-llo! He-llo!
Laurel: Ah! Ah!

Anyway, you get the picture. It seriously brings tears to my eyes, but you probably have to be there to find it moving. Maybe not even then. It probably has to be your own kid.

(Maybe I'm enjoying it so much because as an infant Isaac never demonstrated this copying behavior. You won't be surprised to hear that I found this worrying at the time.)

It also seems like Laurel's vision has improved, because she is showing awareness of nearby interesting objects. She has started to stare at mobiles, for instance -- not for very long, but you can almost hear her thoughts: "What's that cool thing hanging there? Has it been there all along? Whoa, it moves a little bit! Oh, wait, is that a ceiling beam up there?"

Suddenly everything is so much fun -- for me as well as for her. I was eating an apple for breakfast this morning while Laurel sat in a bouncy seat at my feet. I leaned down and showed her part of the apple, which I had cut into quarters, and pointed out that it was red on one side and white on the other. She was obviously fascinated and looked intently at it. Then I held it close to her nose so she could smell it, and I could hear her take a deep breath. But she thought watching me actually eat the apple was the most fun of all. She likes to watch people's mouths anyway, so I think she was amused by seeing this engaging red-and-white object disappear bit by bit into my chewing jaws.

- - - - -

It's worth noting that my blissed-out morning follows a night of excellent sleep. The child slept for nearly seven hours straight last night!

Daffodil

We have lots of daffodils in our yard,* and they've been blooming for the past week or two. We went to a playdate this week and on our way out to the car, Isaac stopped to pluck one for our hostess. When he presented it to her, he apparently told her what kind of flower it was.

"Did you hear that?" my friend asked in surprise. "He said daffodil perfectly clearly."

I was busy getting Laurel out of her car seat. "Oh yeah," I said distractedly and a little dismissively, "he's known that word since he was 18 months old."

A few minutes later I realized I hadn't been particularly modest or tactful about Isaac's language skills. (And not for the first time, either. Do you remember when I irritated people at another playgroup by insisting that my 20-month-old son should learn the word reservoir?) So I tried to explain that we have a lot of daffodils in our yard, and that it would have been strange if he hadn't learned what they were.

(Then I went home and looked up "daffodil" in this blog, and I discovered that although Isaac could identify one when he was quite young, he couldn't pronounce the word. At 18 months, the word he used was da-doo, but he and I both knew it meant daffodil. What do you think? Should I clarify the situation with my friend?)

My friend has three kids aged 16 months and under, so perhaps she's not used to listening to bigger kids talk, but sometimes Isaac's language takes even experienced people by surprise. I don't like it when people make a big deal about his word choices, however, and I especially hate it when people marvel at him like he was a trained parrot. Like all of us, he is a human being doing his best to communicate, and he deserves to be taken seriously.

Because of this, I was irritated by his teacher this week. We arrived at school on a rainy morning, and the teacher asked Isaac if he had gotten wet.

Isaac considered this question for a moment, and then answered, "No, actually, just a little damp."

His teacher repeated, "Damp," and then had the bad manners to laugh. She laughed! I know it was partly in surprise at Isaac's precision of language, but it really isn't cool to patronize your students, even if they are three years old.

I want him to be treated with respect. I want his love of language to be cherished and nurtured, not held up as a parlor trick. All too soon he'll start dumbing down the way he talks, purposefully using slang and incorrect grammar, just so people don't think he thinks he's too smart. How do I know? I did the same thing when I was 11 years old.

- - - - -

* That's actually an understatement. Not only do we have many hundreds of daffodils, we have at least 30 different varieties. The previous owner had a literal mania for gardening, and she had in recent years channeled her enthusiasms into daffodil cross-breeding.

- - - - -

Photo taken yesterday of Isaac posing with a big bouquet of daffodils we had just picked. And with a length of PVC pipe, of course.

Quiet playtime

Today Isaac was asking why we live in the Bay Area. I gave him a number of reasons, including that his father's job is here. And because I want him to realize that most women work outside the home, I made sure to tell him that my old job was also here.

Isaac said, "Maybe when Laurel gets older you can get another job."

I said, "Maybe I will. But for now I have a different job: taking care of you and Laurel." He asked me if that was what I did during the day, and I pointed out, "My job lasts all day and all night."

"It can't," he said with certainty. He knows about day and night shifts, and understands that one person can't work both shifts.

"But it does," I said. "I take care of you all day long and all night long."

"You must be tired," he said. "You need to take a break."

- - - - -

We call that break "quiet playtime," and it has replaced Isaac's nap.

Isaac has only napped eight times in the past 30 days, and only once in the past 17 days. I've stopped trying to get him to nap, in fact. For one, the attempt ended up wasting most of Isaac's afternoon. For another, it was interfering with my own hopes of napping. We were spending 30 minutes on Isaac's pre-naptime routine, then another 30 minutes sitting in his room waiting for him to fall asleep. He didn't -- and then after holding still for so long he was in no mood to sit quietly in his room for an additional hour while I went off to take my own nap!

Actually, I'm grateful he made it this far. I thought he was going to give up his nap in the summer, a few months before he turned three, but I persisted in trying and by the fall he was back on track. I'm grateful that he napped solidly through the winter and the end of my pregnancy with Laurel, when I was really tired (much more tired than I am now) and needed a long nap every single day.

I'm grateful because now he's old enough to respect the concept of "quiet playtime." I set a timer for 60 minutes, and I tell him that until the timer beeps he is allowed to leave his room only if he gets hurt or scared. In the meantime he can do whatever he wants in his room, as long as he does it quietly. He has been known to play with toys, look at books, listen to music, change his clothes, and take all the cushions off his couch. (I always suggest that he can lie down and take a nap, but so far, to my knowledge, this hasn't happened.) Lately when I open up the door to his room after quiet playtime is over, the toys are untouched, and he tells me he mostly listens to music and looks at books. I'm impressed that such a little kid can entertain himself that way for an entire hour. He actually seems to have fun.

During Isaac's quiet playtime I try to have my own nap. Laurel doesn't always cooperate by napping at the same time, although as a newborn she sleeps so much I can usually convince her to drop off for a while. A bigger problem is my mothering-induced insomnia, where I find it difficult to switch off my vigilance enough to fall asleep. Even if I don't actually sleep, however, I get to lie down for an hour, and that really helps.

I'm also grateful that Isaac's daytime mood isn't much affected by his lack of napping. This blog is so crowded with posts about Isaac's miserable behavior when he's overtired that I can't even link to a single post as an example! He would still be happier if he napped, but he remains cheerful and self-directed throughout the preparation and consumption of dinner. There is sometimes some whining after dinner, however, especially because he has to start getting ready for bed right after we eat, without any post-meal playtime with his father.

That's the biggest change caused by the not-napping: Isaac's bedtime is now at 8:00 p.m. instead of 9:00 p.m., and he falls asleep right away instead of taking 30 minutes (or much more!) to do so. It makes sense: he used to nap for an hour and a half; now that he doesn't nap, he goes to bed an hour and a half earlier. Both Isaac and his father miss their evening time together.

Yet another ten things about Laurel

So far I have written posts giving developmental updates on Laurel when she was three, five, and seven weeks old. Today she is nine weeks old, and I guess I've got a trend going here, so I'll continue it! (I think this makes 43 things so far.)

* Laurel has begun to startle herself awake when she lies on her back. Strangely, she didn't startle this much as a tiny newborn. (There were even a few reflexes that Isaac demonstrated, like the chin quiver, that I never saw in Laurel.) Even when she doesn't wake herself up with the startling, I can hear her arms repeatedly flinging out against the taut mesh sides of the co-sleeper, and it keeps me awake. It makes a sound like a drum.

* When she's not flinging out her arms in her sleep, she's trying to cram her fist in her mouth. This also keeps me awake, because not only are there vigorous slurping noises coming from the bassinet, she regularly (and loudly) gags herself. It's hard to sleep through that. Also, she has very poor hand control, coupled with no awareness that her hands belong to her, so sometimes instead of getting her fist in her mouth she accidentally assaults her poor face with it. It's not unusual to see her gripping her own ear in her fist, and it's clear that she has no idea that she's the one who is pulling on it, nor any idea how to make it stop. More alarmingly, sometimes she looks like she's about to gouge out her own eye.

* You'd think a pacifier would solve her need to suck, but you'd be wrong. We've tried two different types, and she rejects them both. She will suck a few times if you hold it for her, but if you let go, she pushes it out with her tongue. (Isaac did this too.) And you can't insert it too deeply -- I actually made her throw up in her bed one night by pushing the pacifier too far into her mouth. I did it two nights in a row, in fact. I'm a slow learner.

* Because Isaac had such a hard time sleeping, we swaddled him in the Miracle Blanket starting at about three days of age (and up until he was seven months old!). However, because Laurel has been a good sleeper, we had never tried swaddling her. (Well, to keep her from kicking her blankets off at night we wrap her torso and legs firmly in a cotton flannel blanket, like a burrito, but we leave her arms free.) However, because of her increased startling I finally tried the Miracle Blanket for the last two nights.

* The result of her being properly swaddled? Each night she slept for seven hours straight! That's longer than Isaac does now (he still wakes up once in the middle of the night and joins us in the master bed). And what's more, both nights I set her down awake in the bassinet and she fell asleep on her own. Isaac, as we all know, never did that at all. Did you hear me say seven hours? At nine weeks old? My mind is totally blown.

* She is, unfortunately, still going to bed for the night rather on the late side. Midnight or 12:30 a.m. is typical. Prior to that she's alert and demanding for a few hours, although luckily she's happy to alternate nursing and being held, so I spend my evening sitting in a comfortable chair in the nursery. I've been doing a lot of late-night reading and surfing the Internet. When we finally go into my darkened bedroom, she fusses for a while before she gets ready to sleep, but she never really cries. Craig seems to sleep through it pretty well, as does Isaac when he ends up in our bed.

* Laurel had her very first ride in a stroller yesterday. Up until now she has always been carried close to us in one of our various slings or soft carriers, but we were going to spend the morning at a children's science museum and I knew there wouldn't be much opportunity for me to sit down. I didn't relish the idea of toting ten-plus pounds for several hours. I brought the sling just in case, because Isaac never liked the stroller, but to my surprise Laurel did not mind riding in it at all. (I guess I will eventually realize that the two kids like different things.)

* Something else completely new to me: Laurel sleeps in a stroller. Even when it's parked! She snoozed through the museum yesterday, and it was so convenient (and easy on my back) that instead of putting her in the mei tai when Isaac wanted to play outside today, I tried the stroller again. I had to push it around the yard for a few minutes until she fell asleep, but then she stayed asleep for an entire hour while Isaac and I played (and I pruned a Japanese maple).

* Isaac has decided that Laurel has a favorite nursery rhyme,"To Market, To Market," which he likes me to sing while I bounce her on my knee. He also likes to lie in my spot in my bed, right next to the co-sleeper, and proclaim, "We're Moo-mas together!" (This is his pet name for me as a Mama who takes care of a little baby; despite the sound of it, I don't think it has anything to do with cows or lactation.) He also enjoys snuggling with Laurel and stroking her soft hair (which is getting long on top, although it's thinning on the sides).

* Despite these sweet caretaking impulses, he has showed his first signs of jealousy: a friend was cooing over Laurel at the museum yesterday, and Isaac grabbed the stroller's sunshade and pulled it down, blocking her from view. Also, whenever I get the camera to take a picture of Laurel, Isaac claims he wants pictures taken of himself as well, once even saying, "Why is Laurel first?" (Unfortunately when I do turn the camera on him, he hides his face.)

World record of sleep!

As I mentioned in last night's post, I've just started swaddling Laurel in the Miracle Blanket at night. So far it's been three nights. And regarding those three nights, here's a bit of information cut-and-pasted from Laurel's Trixie Tracker "Sleep Statistics" page:

Longest single sleep

8 h 40 min 12:20 am to 9:00 am on Friday, Mar 13th (11 min ago) view

7 hours 1:00 am to 8:00 am on Thursday, Mar 12th (1 day ago) view

7 hours 12:30 am to 7:30 am on Wednesday, Mar 11th (2 days ago) view

Did you get that? Each night has set a personal record, and last night was the best yet -- she slept for eight hours, 40 minutes straight. And she would have slept longer except that I woke her up! (I had woken up myself by then, and it had been over nine hours since she had nursed.)

Yes, Laurel was already a pretty good sleeper, but I think it's a Miracle Blanket, indeed! Although I also give a shout-out to Trixie Tracker for making this trend perfectly clear.

I remember being really excited once about a personal sleep record Isaac set right before he turned one year old -- he had slept eight hours, 42 minutes straight. Laurel is on track to beat him soon, and she's only nine weeks old. Maybe tonight!

Record broken

Record broken last night, as per my prediction:

Longest single sleep

8 h 45 min 12:10 am to 8:55 am on Saturday, Mar 14th (4 h 42 min ago) view

One milestone per child

Laurel: Began wearing size two diapers today. (They fit babies from 12-18 pounds.)

Isaac: Began listening to his first chapter book today. (It has 139 pages; it's "Mr. Popper's Penguins" by Atwater.)

New pictures

"Babies are made to snuggle," Isaac remarked yesterday.

Sometimes I ask Isaac how Laurel protects herself from predators.

I say, "Does she run away on her strong legs, like a deer? Does she attack with her sharp teeth, like a dog? Does she spray stinky stuff, like a skunk?"

Isaac laughs.

"Then how does she protect herself?" I ask.

"By being cute!" he says.

It's so true. Don't those big eyes and chubby cheeks make you want to take care of her?

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I've started a new album of photos, which is also linked from the sidebar. There are 23 pictures, and it was hard to pick just one to feature in this post!

Moving pictures

"I like that Bob Vila," Isaac remarked tonight.

How did a boy who has never watched any television find out about Bob Vila? From watching a three-minute segment on how to store your snowblower on YouTube.

Our household does have a television, but it isn't hooked up to receive any broadcasts, and Craig and I don't watch TV shows or movies ourselves. Isaac has seen TV in passing at other people's houses, but only for a few minutes at a time, and I can probably count the occasions on one hand. (For example, he saw a scene or two of "Dog Whisperer" at my in-laws' house last year, although it worried him because it showed a woman being bitten by a dog.)

I know that television and movies are in Isaac's future, and that's fine. As I've said before, I'm not a complete media-rejecting radical. Television and movies are fun, they are an important part of our culture, and they can even be art. I'm really not opposed to mindful media consumption, or even mindless consumption as long as it is critically done. Isaac can start watching kids' TV as soon as he asks for it. But so far he hasn't shown any interest.

Furthermore, if I want my kids to learn how to resist the messages and see through the hype, I'm going to have to educate them about the media, and the only way to do this is by actually letting them watch -- and by watching with them.

However, I do feel slightly hypocritical for boasting about Isaac's lack of exposure to the media when he asks nearly every day to watch videos on the Internet.

We started out with YouTube last May when I looked for videos of the giant loader with a snowblower attachment we'd seen while visiting Yosemite. For about three months Isaac was content watching short videos of tractor-mounted snowblowers in action. Then I made the mistake of revealing that there were videos about other topics -- shop vacuums, specifically. For many more months we watched a series of one-minute videos about shop vacs, each addressing one ridiculously narrow aspect of their use, each stiffly narrated by a guy named John. Then recently we discovered that John also narrates a series of one-minute videos about snowblower maintenance!

I can tell that Isaac is maturing as a media consumer because he has finally lost patience with John. Isaac happened to see Bob Vila's three-minute video on storing your snowblower for the summer, and he loved it. He can't articulate why, but I imagine he was impressed by its television-quality production and professional narration. I agree, actually -- it is a relief to watch something that wasn't made by amateurs.

But I'm grateful to good old John. He was a good place for Isaac to start -- sure, he was an amateur, but he was sincere, and his low-quality production values meant Isaac wasn't subjected to a lot of quick edits, fancy camerawork, or loud music.

To let you know how naïve Isaac is about these newfangled moving pictures, up until fairly recently he believed that John could see him. He wanted to hold a picture up to show John, and he even asked if John liked him. That vulnerability is why I don't yet want to leave him to the mercies of commercial television.

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YouTube is actually a good parenting tool. In addition to teaching my son how to clean the air filter in a snowblower, we've used it to see footage of a siamang's call, the "Anvil Chorus" from La Traviata, and the Statue of Liberty. And lots and lots of monster trucks.

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About a month ago Isaac watched his very first movie on DVD: it was Kevin Kline in "The Pirates of Penzance." I'll have to write about Isaac's relationship with Gilbert and Sullivan another day.

Reading habits

I recently mentioned that we've begun reading "Mr. Popper's Penguins" to Isaac, and that made me realize that I haven't written much about Isaac's reading habits. He still loves listening to books, and he increasingly enjoys looking at books on his own, but he doesn't ask us to read to him as much as he once did. Unless we have an exciting new book or magazine for him, he's usually content to wait for his two regularly-scheduled reading times -- right before nap/quiet playtime, and right before bed.

Isaac likes variety in his reading material, which I why I avoid buying him books. He'll be intensely interested in a book or magazine for a week or so, asking us to read it over and over, and then he'll completely lose interest. When I worked at the library, I used to bring new books home every week, which was perfect for Isaac. But since Laurel was born over two months ago, we've probably only checked out new books four or five times. However, now we all go to the library together, and he gets to be involved with the selection of his own books, which is fun.

What does Isaac love to read the most? That's probably a topic for another post, but he's a big fan of nonfiction. A recent surprise favorite is "The Top Job" by Kimmel, the fictionalized account of a man whose job it is to replace the light bulb atop the Empire State Building! Isaac doesn't really get a lot of the references (skyscrapers, UFOs, King Kong, catcher's mitts) but he wants to read it over and over again, perhaps seeking to understand.

He has also begun pretending to read, and he does this in two different ways. During quiet playtime, when there's no one else around, he reads to himself by looking at the pictures of children's books. Sometimes I overhear him reciting a favorite memorized line or two (like you monkeys you! from "Caps for Sale"), but mostly he looks at the books quietly.

But sometimes he announces he is going to read to me. In this case he chooses one of my books from my nightstand, then sits in my bed and turns its pages while he makes up a completely random story.

Over the past month or two, these made-up stories have often been about vehicles. One was about the comparative weight of vehicles (sample: "The bucket of a backhoe weighs 100 pounds!"). Another was about the relative value of vehicles (sample: "The dump truck is the most important vehicle in the whole world!"). But one made-up story was about friendship. Every page read "Once there was a [insert different type of animal] that had five friends." The animals and their friends never amounted to anything -- Isaac isn't big on plot, I guess -- but I thought it was a hopeful sign after so much machinery.

Strangely, he refuses to "read" me any children's books, even though he must have many of them memorized. When I suggest he try to retell a familiar story, he tells me rather scornfully that he doesn't know how to read.

He's getting there, though. A few weeks ago we were examining the remote control to his CD player, and out of nowhere he said, "This button must mean stop -- it has an S." And he recently argued with Craig and me about the pronunciation of the word "mist," which he wanted to pronounce as "miss." After we finally convinced him that it ended with a tuh sound, he said, "Well, there must be an S before the T," which I found shocking because we hadn't told him what the names of the letters were.

He has just recently begun pretending to write actual words, and even though he uses blotches and lines in place of letters, it is still very exciting. A girl in his playgroup who is just a few months older than him (she'll be four in July) can write her name (as well as draw people with heads and faces), but she goes to an "academic" preschool where I think they actively push such things. Her family and several others we know have begun labeling items in their houses (pantry, mirror, train table, etc.) so the kids are surrounded by words.

I figure Isaac is already surrounded by words. When he wants to learn how to read, he'll ask.

In the bouncy seat

I just realized that my last two posts might not have been much fun. They were both lengthy, detailed, and on similar serious topics -- one "my kid doesn't watch TV" and one "my kid likes to read."

So to lighten things up, here are two cute photos, one of each kid at two weeks old seated in the same blue bouncy seat. Isn't that a bit more fun?

My reward

Well, I've finally been rewarded for blogging. You'll have noticed that I don't run any ads, and you can thank me for that. But my recent mention of the Miracle Blanket came to the attention of the company, and they're going to send me a complimentary blanket! I actually couldn't ask for a better freebie.

They suggested I could use it as a give-away for one of my readers if I didn't want it for myself, but you know what? I want it for myself. Sorry.

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They also mentioned they're having a "Crying to Calm" video contest: shoot continuous footage of your child being calmed by swaddling in the Miracle Blanket, and you could win actual cash. But I can't find a link to the contest on their Web site, so I can't tell you exactly how to enter. If you are interested, let them know.

Ten weeks

Here's a gratuitous photo of Laurel, taken yesterday on her ten-week birthday.

I remember on my ninth birthday my father told me portentously that it would be my last single-digit birthday. Laurel has a while before that happens, but she will never again be single-digit weeks old.

Decisions

"I haven't decided yet," Isaac said.

I was standing in front of the open refrigerator, and I had just asked him if he wanted strawberry or apricot jam on his peanut butter sandwich. I pointed out politely that the time to decide was now.

Isaac has been experimenting with making decisions, and with what happens when you don't make decisions. Like any human being, he has expressed opinions and preferences for nearly his entire life. But now he's becoming mindful of making decisions, and he realizes it's a conscious process.

He's also exploring the gray area, the margins between choices. It's a powerful place. Some of this technique he has learned from his parents. Ask him if he wants to play outside and he might reply "Maybe."

Right now I think this is funny (as well as developmentally interesting), but I'm afraid it might foreshadow the teenage "I don't know," "I don't care," or worse yet, "Whatever." I suppose those are developmentally interesting too, which I'll try to remember.

Or he might ask for your opinion. Ask him what he wants to eat for snack and he might reply "What would you recommend?" or "What do you suggest?" It's like he's asking the waiter to suggest a good wine.

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He's also discovering that decisions don't have to be permanent. He has been drawing and painting a lot lately, and this week he told me something like "If I make a decision when I'm making art and I don't like it, I can always make another."

That's a great realization, but one with some ambiguity itself. First of all, he realizes that making art is a process of making many small decisions --- color, shape, texture, subject. But did he mean he could make another decision to counter the one he didn't like? Or did he mean he could make a whole new piece of art in place of the one he didn't like? Does it matter? Either way, it means he knows he doesn't have to give up when he makes a bad decision.

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Even conversation is something to be approached mindfully -- you have to choose a topic, after all. Most of the time Isaac still talks easily and unselfconsciously, but sometimes, perhaps when he's running out of ideas, he asks "What would you like to talk about?"

Unfortunately, no matter what I suggest, he responds scornfully, "I don't know about that!"

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Edited 3/25/09 to add:

Another one is "I suppose so."

Parent-teacher conference II

Back at the start of the school year I met with Isaac's teacher Jennifer, although at that point the parent-teacher conference was for me to tell her about Isaac. Now that the school year is coming to an end, Craig and I met with Jennifer again, and this time Jennifer told us about Isaac.

This makes me stop and consider the possibility that Isaac may be reaching the age where he deserves some privacy. It's bad enough that I publicly write about my own child's strengths and weaknesses, but it seems especially invasive to write about another adult's opinion of his strengths and weaknesses. After all, there's a reason why parent-teacher conferences are held in private.

I'll probably stop blogging about Isaac's personal life before he's old enough to understand what I'm doing. If when he's older he wants to have his secrets revealed to hundreds of anonymous online readers, he'll have to do it himself, probably using whatever version of Facebook the year 2020 provides. Probably teenagers of the future will have no sense of privacy anyway.

I don't think Isaac needs privacy yet. He's certainly too young to feel embarassment now, and I don't think what I'm writing will be embarassing to him in the future either. A small child is still purely and perfectly himself in every way, and therefore should feel no shame at having the details of his life revealed by his doting mother. A small child has no genuine weaknesses, only the misplaced expectations or misunderstandings of adults. How's that for an excuse for me to continue blogging?

And so, in a nutshell, Jennifer said Isaac was wise, independent, and confident. She really seems to enjoy him as a student and as a person, which made us feel good.

She remarked that one of Isaac's greatest developments was the lessening of his attachment to her. He had been clingy and dependent upon her at first, often following her around all day, and needing her help to transition between activities. However, in the last two months he has been able to play happily and comfortably on his own.* He still likes her, but he doesn't need her.

We got a little checklist telling us whether or not Isaac had various skills -- not quite a report card, because there were no grades, but Jennifer filled it out with either a "plus sign" (strongly true), a "checkmark" (true), or a "w" (a developing skill the child is still working on). (I'll point out right here that Isaac did not get a single "w.")

As far as Isaac's greatest strengths, they should come as no surprise to regular readers of this blog. On the checklist Jennifer put plus signs next to all the skills under the headings of "cognitive development" (good attention span, ability to focus, ability to follow through with a task, can rephrase ideas, etc.) and "expressive language" (complete sentences, vocabulary, articulation, shares ideas, expresses feelings, receptive language, etc.). In addition, she pointed out that he "enjoys and values reading," including looking at books on his own. Like I said, my regular readers already know that.

While Isaac didn't get any plus signs on the checklist under the heading of "emotional development," every skill was checked off, so there wasn't anything he specifically needed to improve. (He initiates his own activities, sticks with an activity for a while, shows satisfaction in task, uses a variety of problem-solving strategies, asks for assistance, etc.) She did note that he isn't easily frustrated by obstacles, and that "he is able to speak up and ask for what he wants." I hope he's polite about it.

The remaining heading was "social development," and perhaps it doesn't come as a surprise that there were no plus signs there either. However, there were no problems either. Isaac is "able to take turns and share," and he "enters easily into activities." He does not yet, however, "demonstrate cooperative play." So one of Jennifer's final conclusions is that one of Isaac's "areas to concentrate on" (is that preschool-teacher code for "weakness"?) is "working and playing cooperatively with another child -- making a friend."

I guess I agree with her. I mean, he doesn't seem lonely yet, but he will need friends his own age soon. Perhaps he'll discover that it's actually more fun to play with other kids than by himself or with distracted adults. And then I'll miss him.

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As far as Isaac's "areas of particular interest," Jennifer put checkmarks next to the following: the sandbox and playdough, art, music and singing, puzzles, and science. He also likes snack (who doesn't?) and helping the teachers clean up. "Blocks and building" was the only activity to get a plus sign, which must mean he really likes it.

But it is just as interesting to note the choices that remained unchecked. The omission of "dramatic play," for example, strikes me as strange, because is one of his biggest favorites at home. The kid is always pretending to be someone, whether it's a construction worker, a park ranger, or a pirate. And no "wheeled vehicles"? I mean, I knew vehicles were falling out of favor, but the fact that he doesn't play with them at school really drives the point home.

Isaac even told me recently that Loader Driver no longer drives a loader. Now he's a maintenance worker, no doubt changing light bulbs and repairing snowblowers.

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* This is true at home as well -- a few months before Laurel's birth Isaac was at his most dependent and demanding, but this reversed itself almost immediately after Laurel was born. Wouldn't you have expected the opposite to happen?

Perfect student

This morning Isaac slept late and then dressed himself, so when he arrived at school an hour and 15 minutes late, he was wearing sweatpants on backward, boots on the wrong feet, and a hefty dose of my lip gloss.

But at least he brought a daffodil for his teacher.

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He chooses his own clothes and dresses himself most mornings, but usually he only gets one item wrong at a time. Quite often it's the shoes, although sometimes the underpants or shirt are on backward. But I think this is the first time I've seen the pants on backward.

Drops

Last week Isaac had pink eye. It turned out to not be a big deal, although sometimes we had to forcibly hold him down to administer the despised antibiotic eye drops. He got better after three or four days of the eye drops.

Last night after dinner Craig suggested it might be a dessert night. He and Isaac had picked up a number of sweet treats at the grocery store that day, including cookies and candy.

Craig asked, "Would you like a gumdrop, Isaac?"

Isaac didn't say anything at first. He looked closely at me, as if he thought there might be some trick, and then he slowly said, "No."

I was surprised. "You don't want a gumdrop?"

A look of sheepish relief spread over Isaac's face, and he said, "I thought you said eyedrop!"

Sleep complacency

You know I'm getting complacent when I don't even remark on how good Laurel's sleep has been! She's 11 weeks old now, and it's time for an update.

Two weeks ago yesterday I posted Laurel's top three stretches of unbroken night-time sleep: seven hours, seven hours, and eight hours 40 minutes. She was sleeping through the night at two months old! Isaac didn't manage this feat until he was almost two years old! I was amazed and astounded!

The very next day I had to post an amendment, as she slept for eight hours 45 minutes straight and broke the top record again.

By now, however, none of those previously amazing and astounding times come close to qualifying as her best, and in fact if she slept a stretch of only seven hours I would be disappointed. Here's what she's been doing lately:

Longest single sleep

9 h 50 min 11:00 pm to 8:50 am on Thursday, Mar 26th (1 day ago) view

9 h 40 min 11:30 pm to 9:10 am on Friday, Mar 27th (5 h 32 min ago) view

9 hours 12:00 am to 9:00 am on Saturday, Mar 21st (6 days ago) view

Can the good times possibly last? Her routine seems dependable so far, but babies are always changing. She'll start getting teeth in a few months, and that could complicate things. Then there's rolling and sitting and separation anxiety and crawling and pulling up and talking and walking ...

Well, I'll be grateful for a good night's sleep while I can get it. And I am grateful -- very, very grateful. Some afternoons I don't even need to nap, I'm so well-rested!

Speaking of being well-rested, did you notice what other wonderful thing has been happening? She's been going to sleep an hour or two earlier, something I appreciate.

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Why doesn't she wake up to nurse at night? Heck, I don't know. If I did know, I'd write a how-to book. But let me point out that Laurel is exclusively breast-fed and that she nurses on demand. I haven't done anything to discourage her night-time nursing, nor have I tried to train her to stretch out the time between feedings. In fact, when she's awake she often nurses every hour. Oh, I'm so very glad she doesn't do that at night too!

Quiet playtime II

Isaac has been having quiet playtime ever since he stopped napping regularly, which started about two months ago. Each day around 3:00 p.m. I set a timer for somewhere between 30 and 60 minutes, depending on the situation, and he stays in his room until it beeps. During quiet playtime he listens to music, looks at books, plays with toys, and day-dreams. One thing he has never done, however, is fall asleep.

Today I set the timer for the entire hour because I was tired and wanted a nap, and lately I need a lot of time to fall asleep. (I've coined a word for this difficulty: momsomnia. Wait, no. Google gives me 152 hits on it, so I didn't invent it after all. Too bad.) Luckily Laurel was drowsy too, and she fell asleep about 30 minutes into Isaac's quiet playtime, which gave me almost enough time to fall asleep myself. Almost. I think I did grab a few minutes of sleep, although I don't feel particularly refreshed.

When I heard the timer go off in Isaac's room, which is next to mine, I expected him to come bounding in, demanding a snack and waking up his sister. I got out of bed quickly, therefore, and opened his door. And there he was -- still sitting up in bed, propped up on the pillows, hands folded neatly in his lap, fast asleep. He had slept right through the timer.

Maybe Laurel's excellent sleep habits are rubbing off on him. I wish she'd share them with me, too.

New pictures

These two photos are an homage to sleep, and to cozy sleeping companions.

And I uploaded our photos through the end of March.

Easy baby, lazy mama?

I started theorizing that Laurel was an "easy baby" over two months ago, when she was just nine days old. Was it too soon to tell? Apparently not. She has continued to be an excellent sleeper, she seldom cries, and she is content in nearly every situation. (Although considering that she's not quite three months old now, it might still be too soon to tell!)

But is an easy baby really something to be desired?

At the time, I thought Isaac was a pretty easy baby, with the sole exception of his having a hard time staying sleep. We could usually keep him happy -- even if it did mean never setting him down while he was awake. This had two aspects: (1) if it was time for him to sleep, he needed to be put to sleep before he was set down, and (2) if it was time for him to be awake, he needed to be held because he would complain if he was set down. I don't remember him being content for more than five minutes at a time whenever he was separate from us, whether in a swing or a stroller. So we wore him in the sling a lot, we usually took turns eating dinner, and my showers were short. That kept him happy.

Was Isaac truly "easy," or did we simply learn to adapt to his needs? Easy or not, he was a smart baby -- he knew what he needed, and he knew how to ask for it. And we were smart parents -- we understood what he needed, and we gave it to him. All that holding and cuddling didn't make him emotionally needy, either. At three and a half he is secure, loving, independent, and adaptable.

Compared to her brother, Laurel isn't getting as much holding and cuddling.* Sometimes I even worry that I'm failing to give her enough holding and cuddling. She likes to be held, but she also doesn't seem to mind the stroller or swing, so that's where she spends a lot of her time. Will she ask for what she needs? She is such a restrained crier, so quiet when making her demands, that I fear I am overlooking her requests partly because they are not as insistent as her brother's were. Is her "easiness" actually cheating her out of the nurturing she needs?

Let's check with the guru of attachment parenting, Dr. Sears, and his handy list of the seven principles of attachment for parenting an infant:

1. birth bonding: Laurel was born at home and was never separated from us.
   
2. breast-feeding: She nursed right after birth and has never had a bottle.
3. babywearing: I think this issue is the main source of my worry, since when we're out of the house I push her in the stroller more often than I wear her in a carrier, and at home she usually sits in the swing or bouncy seat. Dr. Sears says of babywearing, "Because your baby is so close to you, you get to know baby better. Closeness promotes familiarity." Am I parking her in these artificial contraptions for the sake of convenience? Will this make us emotionally distant?
   
4. bedding close to baby: For her first week or two, at night she slept in my bed next to me, and now she sleeps in a co-sleeper bassinet next to my side of the bed.
5. belief in the language value of your baby's cry: I absolutely do believe this, and if she cries, I listen. But she doesn't cry very much. What if she is trying to tell me what she needs in more subtle ways, but I just don't understand her?
6. beware of baby trainers: She sleeps when she wants to sleep, and she is nursed completely on demand. She is never left to cry in the hopes that she'll learn how to soothe or control herself. (This would have been more of an issue with Isaac, anyway.)
   
7. balance: "In your zeal to give so much to your baby, it's easy to neglect the needs of yourself and your marriage." Hm.
   

Anyway, I think it's #3 that is making me feel guilty. A friend recently joked that although she had never seen Isaac in a stroller, that's the only way she has seen Laurel. But #5 complicates the issue, because I am afraid that I don't understand Laurel's communication style.

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*Although I am holding her right now as she sleeps in my lap, which means I've typed this entire post one-handed.

No remarks?

Does absolutely no one have anything to say regarding my last post? No remarks at all?

No "Stop worrying and enjoy your easy baby"?

No "Take your worries seriously and make extra time for your easy baby"?

No "This attachment parenting stuff sounds nutty. In my day we just stuck the kids in a playpen until bedtime"?

I don't often troll for comments, but I was actually hoping to get some feedback on this issue.

Intuition

We're visiting my folks for Easter. On Friday after dinner, my parents and Isaac went down to the shed where my father parks his tractors. They walked around the pond, admired the scenery, and Isaac sat on one of the tractors. The weather was getting a bit cool, in the lower 60s, but I didn't find it uncomfortable. However, once they had come back to the house, Isaac began to complain of being cold.

In fact, he huddled shivering on the couch, trying desperately to warm what he claimed were freezing hands. I sat next to him and cuddled him, but I didn't think he felt cold. He was practically crying when he announced, "We should never have gone to the tractor shed!" This was unusual, considering that it had been his idea to go see the tractors, and that he usually doesn't mind being out in the cold.

In the meantime my mother had served Isaac a dish of pie and ice cream. When Isaac hurried over to the table to eat it, he slipped on the hardwood floor and fell to the ground in tears. It wasn't a bad fall, but instead of getting up right away and proceeding to his dessert, he stayed on the floor. I put him in my lap and held him, but he kept crying.

Eventually he got into his chair and picked up his spoon, but then he began to cry even harder. He even set down his spoon, leaving the pie untasted. I asked him if he thought the ice cream was too cold. My mother offered to feed him. I suggested we could remove the ice cream if it offended. My mother scooped up a mouthful and held it out to him.

He refused the offered bite and kept crying. Finally he picked up his spoon again, but immediately set it down again, sobbing, and said "I just want to go to bed." It was 6:30 p.m.

I had begun to wonder when he got the chills, became suspicious when he recanted the tractors, grew more sure when he cried after the slight fall, was almost certain when he wouldn't eat his dessert -- but I absolutely positively knew he was sick when he asked to go to bed.

Sure enough, he had a fever of 100.6. My intuition may have been slow to get started, but it was accurate.

Easter

On Sunday night Craig asked Isaac, "What did you like best about Easter?"

Isaac didn't hesitate. He answered, "Nothing."

I was momentarily dismayed. It seemed to me he had plenty of options to choose from. Staying five days with his doting grandparents? Playing outside and climbing trees? Dying and painting eggs? The Easter basket full of goodies, including lots of art supplies? Being able to eat chocolate very nearly on demand? Being allowed to participate in both Easter egg hiding and hunting?

But, I rationalized, perhaps it was because he was sick, as he did have a fever of 102. Or perhaps it was because he was overwhelmed by the crowd, as 53 people attended the Easter party at my parents' house.

But it turned out I had misunderstood him.

"I liked all of it," he clarified.

Namesake

This young woman is Gertrude Ten Cate, Craig's late maternal grandmother and the source of Laurel's middle name.

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We primarily wanted a middle name we liked, but if possible we also wanted it to pay tribute to Craig's side of the family.*

This was especially true after Laurel was born, because it turned out she resembled his side of the family, his mother** and maternal grandmother in particular. But we simply couldn't figure out how to make the naming work -- no offense intended, but Gertrude was not an option.

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When Laurel was born, she had no name. Or, rather, she had three possible names: Margaret, Alice, and Laurel. We had tried the same approach before Isaac was born, narrowing the field beforehand to three possible names and then waiting for the birth to see how we felt. In his case, within minutes of his birth we had finalized our decision. The choice was that clear.

Things weren't so easy with the new baby girl. I eliminated Margaret a few hours after the birth, because for some reason I felt the name went better on a blonde. But it took two and a half days to decide between the other two names.

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Before she was born, I liked Alice best and Craig liked Laurel best. But after she was born, our previous preferences dissolved into uncertainty. Craig tried to alternate evenly between the two names, although sometimes he confused the issue by calling her "Al-Laurel" or "Lor-Alice." Out loud I called her "missy" or "baby," but in private I whispered the two names to her, hoping for one of them to resonate. Neither one did.

Eventually the problem became clear: we had two equally great options for a first name, but we couldn't think of a great middle name to go with either one. Until we had a middle name, we were stuck.

Then, near dawn on Saturday, 48 hours after the baby's birth, I was nursing her and gazing out the window at the silhouette of the giant California Bay Laurel tree that dominates the hillside behind our bedroom. I was thinking sleepily how fitting it would be to use the name Laurel -- it would always remind me of that tree, and it would also pay tribute to Isaac's suggestion we name the baby Leaf. But what about a middle name?

Then I had a flash of clarity: Laurel Cate.

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As a middle name it had everything I wanted: one crisp syllable, initials which didn't spell anything (they are LCRT), and a connection to Craig's family. Plus I liked it as a name. It was slightly unorthodox to use just Cate, considering it is only half of his grandmother's maiden surname, it isn't usual to use a nickname as a middle name, and it is a variant spelling of the nickname to boot. However, since Laurel already has a hyphenated last name, we didn't want to use the whole "Ten Cate" because that would be way too many surnames in a row!

Excited, I told Craig that very night, and by mid-afternoon on Saturday we were both certain. About 60 hours after being born, our daughter had a name.

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*Isaac's middle name, Dale, pays tribute to my side of the family. Isaac was born on September 6, the birthday of my late paternal grandfather, whose first name was Dale. The name was on our long list of possibilities anyway, but it wasn't until my mother pointed out the shared birthday that the choice became clear. (Luckily she remembered it while we were still in the hospital!)

I like the symmetry of my son's middle name coming from his mother's father's father, and my daughter's middle name coming from her father's mother's mother.

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**If you've met Craig's mother Hazel, you might be wondering what on earth I'm talking about, since she and her granddaughter Laurel look nothing alike. That's because Craig was unlucky enough to lose his first mother, Doris, when he was quite young, but lucky enough to be adopted by his second mother, Hazel.

They both have similar-sounding botanical names, another nice instance of symmetry.

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Actually, Dale and Cate have a certain symmetry themselves.