Decisions

"I haven't decided yet," Isaac said.

I was standing in front of the open refrigerator, and I had just asked him if he wanted strawberry or apricot jam on his peanut butter sandwich. I pointed out politely that the time to decide was now.

Isaac has been experimenting with making decisions, and with what happens when you don't make decisions. Like any human being, he has expressed opinions and preferences for nearly his entire life. But now he's becoming mindful of making decisions, and he realizes it's a conscious process.

He's also exploring the gray area, the margins between choices. It's a powerful place. Some of this technique he has learned from his parents. Ask him if he wants to play outside and he might reply "Maybe."

Right now I think this is funny (as well as developmentally interesting), but I'm afraid it might foreshadow the teenage "I don't know," "I don't care," or worse yet, "Whatever." I suppose those are developmentally interesting too, which I'll try to remember.

Or he might ask for your opinion. Ask him what he wants to eat for snack and he might reply "What would you recommend?" or "What do you suggest?" It's like he's asking the waiter to suggest a good wine.

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He's also discovering that decisions don't have to be permanent. He has been drawing and painting a lot lately, and this week he told me something like "If I make a decision when I'm making art and I don't like it, I can always make another."

That's a great realization, but one with some ambiguity itself. First of all, he realizes that making art is a process of making many small decisions --- color, shape, texture, subject. But did he mean he could make another decision to counter the one he didn't like? Or did he mean he could make a whole new piece of art in place of the one he didn't like? Does it matter? Either way, it means he knows he doesn't have to give up when he makes a bad decision.

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Even conversation is something to be approached mindfully -- you have to choose a topic, after all. Most of the time Isaac still talks easily and unselfconsciously, but sometimes, perhaps when he's running out of ideas, he asks "What would you like to talk about?"

Unfortunately, no matter what I suggest, he responds scornfully, "I don't know about that!"

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Edited 3/25/09 to add:

Another one is "I suppose so."