Quiet playtime

Today Isaac was asking why we live in the Bay Area. I gave him a number of reasons, including that his father's job is here. And because I want him to realize that most women work outside the home, I made sure to tell him that my old job was also here.

Isaac said, "Maybe when Laurel gets older you can get another job."

I said, "Maybe I will. But for now I have a different job: taking care of you and Laurel." He asked me if that was what I did during the day, and I pointed out, "My job lasts all day and all night."

"It can't," he said with certainty. He knows about day and night shifts, and understands that one person can't work both shifts.

"But it does," I said. "I take care of you all day long and all night long."

"You must be tired," he said. "You need to take a break."

- - - - -

We call that break "quiet playtime," and it has replaced Isaac's nap.

Isaac has only napped eight times in the past 30 days, and only once in the past 17 days. I've stopped trying to get him to nap, in fact. For one, the attempt ended up wasting most of Isaac's afternoon. For another, it was interfering with my own hopes of napping. We were spending 30 minutes on Isaac's pre-naptime routine, then another 30 minutes sitting in his room waiting for him to fall asleep. He didn't -- and then after holding still for so long he was in no mood to sit quietly in his room for an additional hour while I went off to take my own nap!

Actually, I'm grateful he made it this far. I thought he was going to give up his nap in the summer, a few months before he turned three, but I persisted in trying and by the fall he was back on track. I'm grateful that he napped solidly through the winter and the end of my pregnancy with Laurel, when I was really tired (much more tired than I am now) and needed a long nap every single day.

I'm grateful because now he's old enough to respect the concept of "quiet playtime." I set a timer for 60 minutes, and I tell him that until the timer beeps he is allowed to leave his room only if he gets hurt or scared. In the meantime he can do whatever he wants in his room, as long as he does it quietly. He has been known to play with toys, look at books, listen to music, change his clothes, and take all the cushions off his couch. (I always suggest that he can lie down and take a nap, but so far, to my knowledge, this hasn't happened.) Lately when I open up the door to his room after quiet playtime is over, the toys are untouched, and he tells me he mostly listens to music and looks at books. I'm impressed that such a little kid can entertain himself that way for an entire hour. He actually seems to have fun.

During Isaac's quiet playtime I try to have my own nap. Laurel doesn't always cooperate by napping at the same time, although as a newborn she sleeps so much I can usually convince her to drop off for a while. A bigger problem is my mothering-induced insomnia, where I find it difficult to switch off my vigilance enough to fall asleep. Even if I don't actually sleep, however, I get to lie down for an hour, and that really helps.

I'm also grateful that Isaac's daytime mood isn't much affected by his lack of napping. This blog is so crowded with posts about Isaac's miserable behavior when he's overtired that I can't even link to a single post as an example! He would still be happier if he napped, but he remains cheerful and self-directed throughout the preparation and consumption of dinner. There is sometimes some whining after dinner, however, especially because he has to start getting ready for bed right after we eat, without any post-meal playtime with his father.

That's the biggest change caused by the not-napping: Isaac's bedtime is now at 8:00 p.m. instead of 9:00 p.m., and he falls asleep right away instead of taking 30 minutes (or much more!) to do so. It makes sense: he used to nap for an hour and a half; now that he doesn't nap, he goes to bed an hour and a half earlier. Both Isaac and his father miss their evening time together.