Uncles and aunts

We have been visiting my parents, and recently we went to a big family dinner at my maternal grandmother's house. After dinner there was a birthday cake for my uncle.

Isaac and I were outside on the deck when the cake was announced, and when he heard the news he hurried inside with excitement. I couldn't see what was happening, but I heard everyone singing "Happy Birthday" through the open door.

About five minutes later Isaac came back outside, empty-handed.

"Where's your cake?" I asked him.

He said quietly, "It turns out it was only for looking at."

Someone had been teasing him, and I could guess who: my uncle. I escorted Isaac back inside the house as I asked him, "Did you really think, after all that singing and people standing around, that we wouldn't eat it? Honey, cakes are always for eating."

Isaac repeated softly to himself, "Cakes are always for eating."

But even after he finished two pieces of cake (the second one courtesy of my mother), he was uncharacteristically quiet. I asked him what was wrong, and he said he was sad. I tried to explain that my uncle likes to tease, but Isaac still seemed confused. "I don't know why he said that," he finally said.

It wasn't until later that I began to understand why Isaac was so upset over a bit of harmless teasing. When we were in the car going home, he said, "I think the other people knew."

In retrospect he had figured out that everyone else knew the cake was for eating, and he felt bad about it. He was sad, and confused, and humiliated -- perhaps for the first time in his life.

- - - - -

After this emotional upset, I decided it was time Isaac learned to protect himself. So I taught him two simple lessons about family life: uncles tease; aunts don't listen.

He listened to this eagerly, and with what seemed like relief. To be sure he understood, I quizzed him afterward. It turned out he had drawn his own conclusions, because this discussion ensued:

Mama: So what do uncles do?

Isaac: Tease.

Mama: And should you pay any attention to them?

Isaac: No!

Mama: What do aunts do?

Isaac: Argue.

Mama: [laughs] Yeah, that's true! But also, they don't listen. What do aunts do?

Isaac: Talk.

Mama: [laughs again] Well, that's true too! In fact, maybe that's why they don't listen.

Uh, no offense intended to the numerous lovely aunts who are kind enough to read this blog, and let me add that I lovingly include my own mother among the non-listeners. I also told Isaac that aunts are very nice people.

Also, please note that I have never suggested to Isaac that aunts argue -- he figured that one out on his own.