Who's a hippie now?

Today Isaac and I went to T.J. Maxx, where I seldom find anything I like, but at least it isn't expensive. (How's that for a slogan?) I'm not much of a recreational shopper, especially with a small child along, but for the past year I've been trying to find a shirt that actually fits me. With my height and weight I should wear a medium, but they just don't fit properly across the chest. Clothes designed for nursing moms might have a little extra room where I need it, but their style is usually too hippie-ish for my taste.

I put Isaac in the seat of a shopping cart, picked out six tolerable shirts, and headed to the toy department. We had already spent 20 minutes shopping at Longs, where Isaac had grown tired of his Babybug magazine and Playmobil truck, so I knew I needed something good to keep him entertained while he was stuck in the dressing room with me. I took a quick look at the many toy cars and trucks and ended up choosing a Bob the Builder product. It was in a bubble-wrapped box, so I wasn't sure how long Isaac would enjoy it. He couldn't even get to the wheels.

How long did it take me to try on six shirts? And how long did it take me to go back through the racks trying to find a larger size of the single shirt I liked? Probably about 30 minutes in total. But the toy -- it turned out to be an all-terrain vehicle named Scrambler -- held Isaac's attention for almost as long as I needed. It turned out to be a talking toy, and when Isaac pressed down on the seat of the ATV it said one of four ridiculous catchphrases. I am genuinely surprised that I have forgotten what these four catchphrases were, because I heard them repeated continuously as I shopped. For 20 minutes straight, Isaac pressed that button over and over again. It was a little scary.

After wearing down its batteries, I didn't even buy the toy. (I didn't buy anything, as it turned out.) Isaac was already losing interest in it, but besides that, it didn't fit our Toy Philosophy. Yes, we still have a Toy Philosophy, even though our son is 14 months old. Will we still have one a year from now? (Maybe.) Five years from now? (Possibly, although Isaac will surely have helped us revise it.)

So what's wrong with an all-terrain vehicle that talks? Maybe nothing, but it seems to me that once an ATV talks, that's all that it does. As long as Isaac could push the button that made it talk, he didn't mind that the entire vehicle was undrivable, encased in plastic, its wheels and handlebars inaccessible. And since the vehicle talked, Isaac didn't have to. He didn't even make pretend engine noises while he played with it, and he makes those noises when he plays with anything, including Tupperware!

At home, Isaac watches no television, plays with no media tie-ins, and owns few electronic toys that still have their batteries. So who's a hippie now? Maybe I should buy one of those hemp nursing tops.