Birth psychology

Do you know what very important event will be taking place in almost exactly two months? No, I'm not talking about Inauguration Day.

My due date is two months from tomorrow. (For those of you who like to keep track of these things, I was 31 weeks pregnant yesterday; there are 40 weeks in a textbook full-term pregnancy.)

Isaac was born five days before his due date, so I'm assuming this baby will also be early, or at least prompt. Sometimes I think I still have plenty of time to get prepared for childbirth (and a newborn), but mostly I think "Wait! Not yet!" Even at the very end of my pregnancy with Isaac, I never wished for it to be over. It wasn't that I relished being nine months pregnant -- it was that I was in mortal dread of giving birth. Instead of being eager for labor to begin, I wanted to stay pregnant forever.

Unlike last time, I'm not currently terrified by the idea of giving birth, but I'm definitely nervous, sometimes even bordering on anxious. One of my current fears is that I'm running out of time to prepare for childbirth. I'm sure some of my readers (hi, Mom!) are wondering why a lot of preparation is necessary, considering that I've had a successful natural birth before. Ah, beware the dangers of complacency!

As I see it, I've got three things to take care of: (1) preparation for the physical aspect of birth, including rehearsing pain management strategies such as breathing, meditation, and visualization, (2) preparation for the mental aspect of birth, including building my confidence, flexibility, and positive attitude, and (3) examination and confrontation of my current fears and assumptions about birth. In many ways, this last aspect is the most important for someone with an anxiety problem -- for me, fears that remain undefined and unchallenged gain power, and not only hide in the shadows causing chronic low-level anxiety, but also rise up to assert themselves as crippling panic. It is difficult and uncomfortable to confront one's fears, but I'd much rather do it now than be undermined by them while in labor.

Embarrassing and self-indulgent psychobabble? Perhaps. But these preparations worked very well for me last time, so I'm going to do them all over again. Aspects 1 and 2 may be similar to last time, but I still need to practice them so they are fresh; they need to be second nature. But unfortunately I've got many new fears and assumptions for aspect 3 -- including the fact that I've already done it once, and I don't want to get overconfident! If I can compare this to sports psychology, I've got to get my game on. And at the very least, preparation keeps me calm and makes me feel less worried.

Except when I worry that I'm running out of time to prepare! A big problem is that my perception of time is skewed by the artificial acceleration of the season. While I know it is only mid-November, as soon as I step into a store it feels like Christmastime, which means the New Year is almost here, which means my due date is practically upon us.