My helper

One of the questions I'm often asked about our planned homebirth is whether I intend for Isaac to witness the birth. The answer is not necessarily.

At the very least I'd like for him to be close at hand during the birth so he can meet his new sister right after her arrival -- unless, perhaps, it's the middle of the night, in which case we all might be happier if we just let him sleep. (Rocking a toddler back to sleep is the last thing we need to do right after having a baby!)

Isaac will be three years and four months old when his sister is born, which is probably old enough to witness her being pushed out into the world, but probably not old enough to sit through hours of labor beforehand. He would probably find labor to be a combination of dull and stressful -- dull because nothing will seem to be happening for so long, and stressful because I will be in pain, working hard, and not paying any attention to him.

Speaking of my not paying any attention to him, that's another aspect for me to consider -- will I find his presence to be a distraction? Will I be prevented from finding my groove because I'm worried about him? Will I be too inhibited to make good laboring noises because I want to avoid upsetting him? Or will I actually like having him there? I don't know if there's any way to tell beforehand.

But I'm keeping our options open. Isaac might leave the house during my labor and stay at our neighbors' house, either with our neighbors or with my father when my parents arrive. Or he might stay at home, but in a different part of the house. Or maybe he'll want to watch the whole birth!

We have been talking about what happens during labor, as well as reading a fairly detailed picture book about a homebirth, and Isaac seems more curious than worried. Tonight he was asking me lots of questions about it. He wanted to know why contractions happen, and if the baby's head comes out first, and why the baby will be covered in mucky stuff, and why our midwife likes helping babies be born.

"I'll help you, Mama," he said confidently. I gave him a kiss and told him that was a very sweet offer. "I'll hold you up," he said.

He must have been thinking of the mother in the before-mentioned picture book, who gives birth standing, supported by the father. I asked him if he thought he might be a little short for that, and he said yes. For the first time, he sounded a little uncertain.

So I said, "You can still help, sweetie. You can help Dad hold me." That made him happy.