How is everyone? (Isaac)

So how are we all doing? I'll eventually give you an update on each person in our family, but we'll start with Isaac. I think he's the person I'm asked about most often, anyway.

I think Isaac is generally doing pretty well with his transition to siblinghood. It's hard to say how he will react now that my parents have left, however, because their presence allowed for a lot of extra attention for him. While my mom was still here, Isaac never had to wait long for someone to play with him or take care of him. That will change.

He seems only intermittently curious about his sister herself, not demonstrating either affection or animosity. However, he does relish certain aspects of being a big brother. He has always loved being a helper, and the new baby has provided him with additional helping roles. He has been appointed the Diapering Assistant, for instance, and he is eager to drop whatever else he's doing to meet you at the changing table to hand you a clean diaper. He was especially excited to help right after Laurel was born -- it was sweet to see him running around the house at 4:00 a.m. fetching the midwives whatever they needed, and quite a few things they didn't need.

However, it turns out that he misses having my undivided attention, and he is a little uncertain whether there's enough love to go around. I don't know why I found this surprising. In fact, at first I optimistically thought he didn't miss me at all. Most nights since Laurel was born I've been able to participate as usual in Isaac's bedtime routine -- my role is to turn out the lights and lie down with Isaac to give him some "Mama Love," which means we exchange a few ritualized phrases about how much love I have to give him. (Then I leave and Craig rocks him and sings to him, sets him down in bed, and waits until he falls asleep.) But there were a few nights when I was occupied nursing Laurel at Isaac's bedtime. Even though I offered to come in and give him love, he denied having any interest in it, and even said, "I already got it." I took him at his word, and didn't participate in putting him to bed.

Did that mean Isaac didn't actually want the Mama Love? Uh, no -- which I should have realized! But instead I thought how well-adjusted Isaac was, and how nice that he was secure with just Craig's part of the bedtime ritual. Silly me.

Isaac brought the subject up himself. Last night we were playing in the living room when he asked me point-blank, "Do you still love me?"

I assured him that I did. I told him that I loved him all the time, even when he made a mistake, even after he was a grown man, and (after he specifically asked) even after he was dead. I told him that I would never, ever run out of love for him.

"What if we had a million babies?" he asked.

Oh.

Later that night, when I was putting him into bed, I asked him, "Do you still love me?"

"No," he said firmly. "I'm too busy."

Oh.

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What's sad is that yesterday I had made several big efforts to have special time alone with him! I even got up early from my afternoon nap to spend time washing a window with him, which he loves.