Now with 85% less patience

Starting a few weeks ago, my patience with Isaac's misbehavior suddenly decreased dramatically.

I've gotten myself back under control, but there were a few incidents where I did not deal with the situation with any sort of useful parenting strategy. I simply reacted on instinct, and it unfortunately turned out that my instinct was kind of mean and not at all productive.

I didn't do anything of which I would be really ashamed -- I didn't tell Isaac he was a bad child, or stupid, or worthless. I didn't tell him he should be ashamed of himself, or I didn't love him, or I was sorry he was born. So things could have been worse, I guess.

But I did slap him in the back of the head when he wouldn't stop smearing mud and sand on the window. And I did send him to his room when he wrote all over the family room floor with a marker while I was on the phone, and when he wailed down the hall that he didn't like his banishment, I said with relish, "Good! You're not supposed to like it!" And when he squirted water all over me to prevent me from washing his face during his bath, I poured a cup of water over his head, completely soaking his face. And when he was dropping something in the dog's water dish, I pushed him so he lost his balance and ended up with his arm submerged in the water.

Basically I allowed myself inappropriate, immature, angry responses to completely normal three-year-old misbehavior. Part of what caused me to have such unusually violent responses is something unusual on Isaac's part: his willfulness. In most of these cases I told him to stop the behavior, and he laughed defiantly and continued it -- or even escalated it! It seems like whenever I tell him to stop doing something, he throws himself into it with even more enthusiasm. That's absolutely infuriating.

I know I have been very lucky. Isaac isn't perfect, but overall he's been a pretty agreeable child, so he hasn't given me much experience dealing with defiance and misbehavior. But now he's experimenting with free will and practicing his separation skills in a major way, so I need to learn some new skills myself. Controlling my temper would be a good place to start.

- - - - -

An hour or so after I smacked him for smearing dirt on the windows, he said, "I didn't like it when Mama yelled at me. It made me sad." He didn't mention being slapped in the head, and I wasn't sure that was a good thing -- shouldn't that have been unusual enough to bother him? But then he said, "Mama yelled at me for no good reason."

Then I was mad all over again! "I had a very good reason," I protested. "What had you done wrong?"

"Nothing," he said sadly. And I never did get him to admit what he had done.

- - - - -

So I'm 85% less patient, yes, but Isaac is at least 50% more annoying. Plus I've had a cold, and it turns out he's been getting sick too, which might explain some of our extreme behavior.

And do people get less tolerant of their offspring the more pregnant they get? My decrease in patience corresponds pretty closely with my entering the third trimester. I've never heard it mentioned, but maybe I'm transitioning the focus of my interest from the existing child to the child-to-be-born -- practicing my own form of separation. Or maybe I'm just tired.